


It's the Rising

by SigynLily



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: ACtually dyING, Cursed child does not exist in this fic's universe, Family Angst, Found Family, Friends to Lovers, Minor Character Death, Multi, Parent Death, Suicide or Attempted Suicide, and in the case of some, bc this takes place during a brutal war, both stories are dead to me, enemies to ride or die, general violence, neither do the fantastic beasts films sorry, probably gonna have some sex later if i feel like writing it, slow burn shit, tantalizing hand holding, there's talk of cancer and other major illnesses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2020-10-20 19:50:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 30,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20680973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SigynLily/pseuds/SigynLily
Summary: The start of their sixth year at Hogwarts brings many changes for Lily Evans and James Potter. For Lily, she is forced to cope with changing friend dynamics, the aftermath of a traumatic relationship, and the growing tensions at home. She harbors grief and shame, and a burning desire to do something about the war brewing outside. James has had a summer of growing up. Not long after fifth year ended, his best friend showed up on his doorstep, broken and bleeding, and suddenly James was forced to come to terms with the harsh realities of the world outside his cozy life. And how much his three best friends really need him to keep them together.As the pressure rises, the two start to see each other in a new light. They begin to find solace in one another, sharing sides of themselves  they've never shared with anyone, and they fall in love. A love that creates new bonds, and nurtures courage. It's them at the frontlines of the war once they leave the safety of the school. And it's them who end it.





	1. Atlas

**Part I: Waking**

**Chapter 1**

**Atlas**

  
  


The fact that it was raining in London was not unusual. But the air was sticky, hotter than the usual September chill. The muggy temperatures did little for Lily’s mood, and remembering why she wasn’t excited to be returning to Hogwarts this year only made her mood darken further. 

Last year, she’d been walking into King’s Cross with her best friend, her parents, still healthy and free of worry, and her sister had at least been trying to pretend that she would miss her. Everything was different now. She’d said good-bye to Severus in June after forcing her hand. She could still hear the way he’d spat out ‘mudblood’ for the entire school to hear. There had been so much loathing in his voice, so much contempt, as though she was little more than gum under his shoe. Which, she supposed, she was all along. 

And her parents were different too. Her father, sick--dying, and her mother trying valiantly to pretend as though everything was, and would be, fine. Lily had hoped that now that she was rid of Sev, that she and Petunia might actually become closer again. But her sister was as spiteful as ever, blaming Lily for their father’s illness, as though with all her magic, she might be able to cure him. Not that Lily didn’t think Petunia had a point; but she wished that Tuney hadn’t figured out that magic might be the answer. That Lily wouldn’t have to admit her failure to anyone but herself if she never found a cure.

And not even Hogwarts could offer any solace this year. Lily had spent all summer avoiding Severus by hanging out with her old muggle primary school mates. Now she was doomed to have just about every class with her former friend. And she would have to endure taunts from everyone who had always told her he was bad news. And her friends. She’d ignored them for most of the summer, being extremely vague in her letters when she bothered to respond. Lily was under no illusion that she had some making up to do. 

So really, what business did she have in resenting the rain beating down as she and her family trekked across the carpark? It was only a fraction of what she deserved after all. And as she reached that conclusion, Lily pulled the umbrella from her head, letting the rain pelt down her thick, auburn hair. It almost felt _ good _. She lifted her face to the sky and shut her eyes, anyone watching just now would think she was a silly girl, delighting in a bit of rain. Really though, it was self penance. 

“Lily Jade,” her mother’s voice forced Lily’s eyes wide open and she lowered her head to look at her mum. “You’ll catch a chill before term even starts!”

“Didn’t you know, mum,” Petunia cut in dryly, “_ Her _ sort don’t get our illnesses.”

That stung. It was meant to.

Dutifully, Lily placed her bright yellow umbrella back over her head, mumbling an apology. Petunia was right, of course. Magic folk didn’t get muggle illnesses. They did get sick, but of a more magical strain. Lily had never had a cold in her life, not until she was locked in a school with hundreds of other wizards and witches just like her. It didn’t seem fair that there was a whole population of people who would never know the pain of something like lymphoma. Would never succumb to any kind of muggle epidemic. 

They reached the inside of the station, Lily’s dad whistling merrily, pretending that he wasn’t exhausted from hauling Lily’s trunk. He’d insisted on carrying it. Like he always had every year, but Lily could see that he was tired. He got tired a lot. 

It took some time to find a trolley, but before too long, the Evans Family was walking through Platform 9 ¾ , and an incredible thing happened. For the first time in what felt like ages, Lily felt her spirits rise a little. The screeching owls and mewling cats were all too familiar. Everywhere, parents were hugging and kissing their kids goodbye, and fellow students were greeting each other across the platform. Ahead, white steam was billowing from the gleaming, scarlet train. 

“I’m going to put my stuff on the train and I’ll be right back!” Lily said, gathering her things and almost rushing towards the train. She heard a few people call her name, and she smiled and waved in response before boarding. 

It didn’t take long to reach the compartment she knew her friends would be in. Mary MacDonald’s parents worked in London and had always dropped her off early so they could get to work. Mary had been reserving their compartment since second year. And Lily grinned upon seeing the familiar, elaborate handwriting on a strip of parchment tapped to the glass. 

The compartment was empty, save for Mary’s trunk already stowed up top. Lily opened her own trunk and fished out her scarlet and gold Prefect’s badge, slipping into the pocket of the leather jacket she’d stolen from her dad. Then, closing her trunk, Lily hoisted it onto the luggage rack next to Mary’s, and went back onto the platform, wondering where exactly Mary had gotten to. 

Her father looked to be enjoying himself immensely, and Lily thought he looked almost healthy. Seeing him like that gave her hope. Her mum looked half relieved to see Lily, and half annoyed, and judging by the look on Petunia’s face, the two of them had been bickering about something only moments before. Lily decided she didn’t want to ask.

“I think it’s time for a family picture!” her dad’s voice seemed to boom, as though being surrounded by all the magical hustle and bustle had breathed new life into him. When nothing all summer had been able to. Petunia looked even more irritated at the prospect, and Lily felt her mood sink again. Their father was dying. Couldn’t her sister see that there were few chances to capture total family moments. This wasn’t about Lily and her going off to another year of her special school so much as preserving what little time the Evans family had. 

Daisy Evans gave her daughter a nudge, and Petunia began shaking off her gloomy expression. Lily took the camera her father had pulled out of his jacket and scanned the crowd for a friendly face who could snap a photo. She spotted Remus Lupin with his parents, who were in conversation with Peter Pettigrew and his mum. 

“Oi! Lupin!” Lily gave a shout, and as Remus turned, Lily beckoned him over. 

“Lily dear, there is no need to shout,” her mother chided. Lily ignored her. 

“Mum, dad, Petunia, this is Remus Lupin,” Lily said as Remus joined them. He looked extremely ill. Nothing new there, but he looked more worn out than usual. “He’s in my year and is prefect with me.”

“Lovely to meet you, Remus!” her dad threw out his hand for Remus to shake. “Call me Greg, I will have absolutely no ‘Mr Evans’ from my daughter’s classmates!”

“Nice to meet you, er, Greg.” Remus shook his hand before extending it to Daisy and Petunia. “Mrs Evans, Petunia, nice to meet you both.” 

Petunia was eyeing Remus with a look of forced politeness. Lily could tell that her sister was judging him by his tired expression. 

“We were wondering, Remus,” Lily said. “Could you get photo of us?”

“Oh, yeah sure!” Remus seemed to be forcing enthusiasm. He looked _ so ill _. Worse than Lily’s dad had looked all summer.

The Evanses all posed, Lily’s dad resting a hand on her shoulder proudly, while draping his other arm across his wife’s shoulder. Lily and Petunia put their arms around each other, and everyone put on their most glowing smiles. As the camera snapped, they were almost the picture perfect family that Lily had always maintained they were at school. 

“Thanks, Remus! I’ll see you at the meeting!”

“Yeah, later, Lily. Nice meeting you all,” he nodded to Lily’s family and went back to join his group. 

The train blew its horn, signaling it was time for students to start getting on the train. Suddenly Lily felt a wave of anxiety course through her. There was no avoiding it now, soon she would have to face everyone she had been avoiding all break. She’d been living in a bubble the past eight weeks, pretending she didn’t live in a world where her kind was being hunted, a world where she didn’t have to be perfect. Now it was back to it. And who knew if she was ever going to see her dad again? And if she did, how much worse would he look.

Lily embraced her mother, who was suddenly teary eyed, and briefly hugged Petunia, who looked relieved that she would soon be away from all the freaks. Last, Lily practically lurched towards her dad, arms wrapped around him tight. She would not cry. She was determined not to. She felt her father’s arms wrap around her and he leaned down to whisper in her ear, “Study hard, Li. Nothing is more important than your education. Make me proud. Make yourself proud.”

The tears threatened again and Lily blinked rapidly, pulling away from the embrace, nodding. 

“Promise, Li,” he said with mock sternness.

“I promise dad. I’ll see you all at Christmas! Love you!” 

And with a final wave, she boarded the train with the others.

* * *

Peter and Remus had snagged a compartment at the very end of the train, and James, exhausted from hauling both his trunk and his owl, Persephone, was more than relieved to finally have a place to sit down. Unfortunately Sirius, who had only woken up five minutes before the train was supposed to leave, was now fully awake. 

“Where’s Moony?” he asked, looking eager. “Full moon’s in a week, we need to plan our adventure.”

“He’s in the prefect’s meeting,” Peter said, stroking Persephone in greeting. 

“Here is probably _ not _ the best place to plan either, Padfoot,” said James. “Too many people will be coming round to say ‘hello’. No privacy at all. 

“We can just tell anyone who comes round to ‘bugger off’,” Sirius protested.

“No we can’t,” James ruffled his hair. “Now’s the best chance to find out who the other captains are for Quidditch. They’ll be dying to come ‘round and show off. And I can start strategizing.” 

“Like you haven’t already,” said Peter. “You’ve been making diagrams since third year.”

“I had to start planning, only an insane person would’ve denied me the captainship.” 

“Ever the humble one,” Sirius muttered, eyes on the compartment right across from them. “Hey, Wormtail, did you pick this compartment just so you could ogle at Ayisha Zhu all day?” 

Peter blushed, and James straightened up to look. In the compartment across, sat Gryffindors Marlene McKinnion and Mary MacDonald, and Ravenclaw Ayisha Zhu. Which meant for certain that Lily Evans would be joining them too, as well as Hufflepuff’s Melanie Ross. 

“She’s way outta your league, mate,” Sirius was saying.

“Shut it.”

“She’s way out of everyone’s league,” James interjected. “She’s been with Dev Bakshi since third year.”

“Doesn’t mean I can’t look,” Peter insisted. “She’s well fit.” 

“Yeah, she is,” Sirius agreed. “MacDonald’s looking fit too.”

“I thought she just looked sad. I think she’s still hung up about the Mulciber thing.”

“‘The Mulciber Thing’ was an attack with dark magic, Pete,” James sat back, determined to not care about girls this year. “Seems like she has good reason to be upset.”

“Still it’s been, what? Six months? Seven?”

James only shrugged. He couldn’t quite remember when it had happened, only that it had just a few weeks before Sirius sento Snape down the Whomping Willow. MacDonald had been pretty tight-lipped about her ordeal, and the only reason anyone seemed to know that Mulciber was behind it, was because some of his Slytherin mates had dropped just enough hints. Enough for the students to know he was dangerous, but evidently not enough for professors to punish him. Clever git. 

“Sometimes it takes a while for people to get over things,” Sirius was saying. “I think Moony is still a bit miffed about what I did to Snivellous.”

“There’s a shocker,” said James dryly. He wasn’t quite in the mood to discuss this topic. Not again. 

Sirius had been through a lot this summer. He’d been a right mess when he’d left Grimmauld Place in July for Godric’s Hollow. James had never seen his best mate looking so scared. And kind of..._ fragile _. Besides James, only Fleamont and Euphmina Potter knew just how bad Sirius had looked when he’d moved in with them. Remus and Peter knew some, but not enough. And as bad as it was, as bad as James felt for Sirius, he did not agree that this turn of events meant that he had somehow paid for almost making Remus a murderer. Though Sirius had been put out by Remus’ sometimes very cold reception to him all summer. 

The thing was, Sirius had never really apologized. And James knew he wasn’t truly sorry for it. That deep down, he still thought Snape deserved it. And maybe he did deserve something, hanging around all those wannabe Death Eaters, and using dark curses on people; but Remus didn’t deserve that. The “prank” had, James feared, forever altered their group dynamic. Thing was, Sirius didn’t seem to see it. He still thought things could return to normal. Or maybe he just didn’t care. James had been trying to decide which was worse. 

That was just one of the things that had been making him anxious over the last couple months. On top of feeling like he needed to keep his mates together, that maybe he was the only thing doing it now; the war was getting more brutal. For weeks the words, “_ You’re just as bad as he is! _ ” floated around in his mind, keeping him up. Had he truly been as bad as Snivelly? James had decided to take a closer look at himself, at the people around him, after that. He’d been shocked at how many of his parent’s friends displayed anti-muggle sentiments. Nothing outrageous, all of it was subtle. But James had never before _ noticed _ it as bad. And then he realized just how many attacks were happening now, how easy it would be for someone like him to step back and remain unscathed. And he realized, as he thought about how many people he and Sirius had picked on, that his actions were not that different from what he was seeing on the outside. Sure, he wasn’t one for dark magic, but how many people actually deserved what he was throwing at them? Lily Evans had had a point. And it kind of made him hate himself. And her, for pointing it out. Still, he wanted to prove her wrong. He could be better. He had to. Sirius needed him, Remus would need him, Peter would need him. 

Unfortunately while many sixth years were rejoicing in the fact that O.W.Ls were over, James was realising just how soon he and his mates would leave the safety of the school for a world that would not treat all of them with respect. It didn’t seem fair, he thought as he looked over at Sirius and Peter who had taken up a game of exploding snap, but then, that just seemed to be how life was. 

Remus wasn’t released from the prison that was prefect duties until after noon, and after the lunch trolley had gone around. But he came into the compartment looking tired, and James heard a peal of laughter coming from the girl’s compartment across. And then he heard her saying goodbye to Remus. And then he saw her. And his mouth went dry, a hand reaching up to rumple his hair. And before he could stop himself, he found himself saying:

“Alright, Evans?” He could feel his mated groaning internally. 

Lily paused, the door to her compartment half open. She looked a little surprised at his greeting, but she didn’t look angry. More like she was considering whether to respond or not.

“Alright,” she said. “You?”

James grinned, hand back in his hair. “Alright.”

“Well, alright then,” and she went to join her friends, where James could hear McKinnion shouting something about Lily Evans not sending enough letters over the summer.

* * *

“I know, I know,” Lily sounded slightly exasperated, but she was careful to keep a note of playfulness in her voice. “I was dreadful at writing this summer, and--” she silenced Ayisha before she could speak. “At meeting up--”

“We didn’t see you _ at all _this summer, Lily,” Ayisha Zhu finally got a word in. “We missed you!”

“I’m sorry! Family life has just been a little crazy, what with Petunia starting her new job in London. We had to move her down there. And my dad was a bit poorly, so we kept things quiet.” _ A bit poorly _ was a massive understatement. But Lily wasn’t ready to share with her friends that her dad was dying. Saying so made it real. And she didn’t want to deal with the pity. She would tell them. Just not now. “Besides, we’re going to have months where it’s just us now that term’s started!”

“That’s true, but I’m still mad at you!” Marlene pouted. Her way of saying all was forgiven. Lily noticed that Mary hadn’t even said anything beyond a ‘hello’. 

“My summer was rubbish,” Lily went on. “But your hair is pink, Mar!” 

“Oh this?” Marlene ran a hand through her many braids, as though she were waiting for comment. “It’s just a simple charm. Tomorrow, hopefully, it’ll be Gryffindor red and gold. McGonagall is going to freak.”

“She’ll give you detention,” Ayisha giggled. 

“Me? Getting a detention before Potter or Black? If it happens you all better get me some kind of medal.”

“Done,” Lily smiled. It was easy to pretend that everything was Just Fine, when at least with her friends, things seemed to be. Or at least, for most of them. 

Lily had thought the summer might be good for Mary, a chance for her to get away from what happened to her last term. But her eyes held none of their usual sparkle, and Lily knew she wasn’t the only one who’d spent the summer lost. 

“So how were your O.W.L. results?” Ayisha looked around the room. She’d obviously been waiting all morning to ask, when they were all together. And without waiting for answers, she jumped into sharing hers. “Obviously I was expecting O’s in Arithmancy and Runes. But I didn’t think it was possible to pull one off in Divination, or Defense. And well, I _ guess _ I didn’t do it in Defense, but and E is perfectly fine. I was dreadful in potions, but thanks for trying to help anyway, Lily.”

Of course, Ayisha was always going to do well in exams. She thrived when it came to them. Her classwork might not be the best, but with the pressure on, she seemed to soar. Marlene got a mixture of A’s and E’s in most classes, with O’s in Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures. Lily had done better than she’d expected, given her falling out with Severus right in the middle of exams. O’s in everything except Transfiguration: an E. “I think I’ll be dropping Divination though,” she was saying. “I don’t much like the idea of knowing my future. Not like that, anyway.” 

They all turned to Mary. She was silent for a long time, took a breath, then shut her mouth and looked out the window.

“Mary?” Ayisha prompted. 

A deep breath. “It’s just…” and then she burst into tears. 

“Mary!” both Lily and Marlene leapt to their feet to go and comfort their friend. 

“What’s wrong?” Ayisha asked. 

“It’s just....I f-failed e-everything!”

Lily didn’t believe that for a second. Mary had had a trying year, but it just seemed impossible that she’d managed to fail all of her O.W.L.s, and judging by the looks from Marlene and Ayisha, they didn’t quite believe it either.

“You can’t have failed everything,” Marlene said soothingly. 

“Everything important! I got D’s in Defense, Potions, and Transfiguration! Who is going to give a job with scores that bad?”

“There are plenty of Ministry jobs, Mary,” Ayisha insisted. “And other things in the private realm. I know it can sometimes feel like the world revolves around those three fields, but there’s so much out there. You can talk to Mcgonagall all about it, I’m sure.” 

It took a while to calm Mary down. She kept going on about how stupid she felt, and how hard it had been to focus after everything. Lily couldn’t fault her for that. McGonagall had even asked them all to keep an extra eye on Mary after her attack, in case she tried to hurt herself. But it seemed Mary had tried to internalize everything, and she’d dealt with the cost in her exams. In truth, Lily felt like a bit of a failure herself in the friend department. How had she not seen how bad things were for her friend? She could’ve done more. 

“Lily?” Mary turned still watery eyes on her friend. “Please tell me you, er, didn’t make up with Severus over the summer. Please.

Lily felt almost like she had been punched. That’s what hearing his name did to her. She shook her head. “There’s no chance of that. I know what he is now, I promise.” 

What he was was pain. He’d wrung Lily dry for years. Taking and taking, never giving. Always, the whole time thinking her less than human. Always making her feel bad for having other friends. Severus Snape had been a lot of things. But he was never a good friend; and it had taken Lily years to see what everyone else had. 

“Good,” Mary hiccuped. “Because I j-just couldn’t bear to see you friends with him. Not when he’s friends with scum like that. W-what if he’d let them h-hurt you?”

_ He already has. In so many ways _. “He can’t hurt me, Mary. And I won’t let him hurt you.”

\-----

It didn’t take long for people to realise that some of the coolest people were at the back of the train this year, and soon people began dropping by to say hello and catch up with old news. In years past, James as thought the attention he and his mates got was substantial, but he’d been terribly mistaken. Most of the people who came down their way only dropped in for a few minutes. But the compartment across seemed to soon have a never ending flow of people dropping in, staying for a while, before reluctantly leaving, as though they knew they had to make room for other people coming by. Sirius seemed rather put off by it. 

“What is it with people this year? You’d think they would want to hear all about how I’m independent or whatever. Free from parents.”

“Yeah, I thought we were cooler than this,” Peter seemed more put out by the fact that Ayisha Zhu had now been joined by her long-term boyfriend and his crew than anything else. 

“You are cool,” Remus and James were playing a round of exploding snap. “That’s kind of the problem.”

“The fuck does that mean?” Sirius looked confused. As though he could not fathom a world where being cool was a disadvantage. 

“You and James are the kind of cool that’s almost untouchable--”

“What about me?” Peter huffed. 

“You’re not what they are,” Remus shrugged. “Neither am I.”

“And what are we, Moony?” James raised a brow. 

“Rich, purebloods with a good family name. And you two don’t exactly welcome people into our little club. People will talk to me and Wormtail, but the second you two pop up, it’s like they’re being kicked out of a very exclusive club.”

“It’s not like we can just invite anyone in, Moony,” James frowned. “We’re protecting you.”

“I know that, but they don’t. To them, you two just seem like you think you’re better than everyone else. People admire you, laugh with you. But they can’t get close to you.”

Sirius seemed bothered by this observation for only a moment, but then looked pensively at the compartment across. “So what is it about all those birds that has people eating out of the palm of their hands?”

“Lily’s cooler than you, Sirius,” Remus said flatly. James and Sirius sputtered and Peter looked even more confused. All three of them turned to look over where Lily Evans was just barely visible. And sure enough, while everyone in that compartment seemed to be engaging with one another, it really looked as though Lily was holding the attention. Weird thing was, she didn’t even appear to be speaking at the moment. Just...listening to some bloke as he told a story. Listening like what she was hearing was the most fascinating thing she’d ever heard.

“She? Cooler than us? Sirius scoffed. “You’re talking about the same Lily Evans who was friends with Snivellous? I mean yeah, she’s fit, but she’s a priss.”

“She’s not,” Remus said dryly. “She’s nice to people, Padfoot. Pays attention to them, remembers their names. That’s why she was picked for Prefect over Mary. She’s nice in a way that you know isn’t an act. And she’s actually er, approachable.” 

“Then how come we’ve never noticed how bloody popular she is before?”

But James had. All last year, all those times he thought about asking her out, he’d lost his nerve because everywhere she went, someone seemed to call her friend. The one time he’d managed it was when he’d felt invincible, with the crowd paying attention to his every word. When he’d had her friend hanging upside down. 

“Because you only seemed to notice her when she was with Snape,” Remus shrugged. The card deck exploded, and the party across from them flinched, some of them screamed in surprise. 

“Bloody hell!” James took a look at his fingers. Burned.. “The fuck kind of deck was that?”

The door to their compartment slid open, “Everything alright?” 

All four boys looked up to find Caradoc Dearborn, seventh year Hufflepuff, peering down at them. And everyone sitting in The Lily Evans Fan Club Compartment craning their necks to get a look. 

“Just playing with an unstable deck,” Remus actually looked like he was going to laugh. James noticed that his nose looked a little singed too.

“Those burns don’t look good,” Dearborn said. 

“Someone’s burned?” a voice called. “Hang on, I’ve got something for that!”

“Uh-er, no need!” James called back. “All good here.” 

Whomever had spoken had evidently not heard them, because James could hear a trunk being pulled down from a shelf. He just sat on the floor awkwardly. And then he noticed it. 

“Dearborn, is that a Captain’s badge?”

“Course it is. We can’t all make Captain in fifth year like you can, Potter.”

“Brilliant,” he grinned. “It’s about time Hufflepuff had a decent player leading the team.”

“Cheers mate.” 

“Whose got burns?” Lily Evans had wandered over, holding a small tin case in one hand, looking quizzically down at the group. James noticed, with an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach, that she was wearing a skirt. One that definitely did not at all in any way, hide her legs.

“These idiots were playing with an expired Exploding Snap deck, Lily,” Dearborn grinned. For one dreadful moment, James wondered if those two had gotten back together and that’s why Dearborn was down this way. But he felt that sort of gossip would’ve been spread around rapidly if it were the case. 

“Here let me see,” Lily knelt down on the floor, a hand extended for James to offer up his burned fingers. 

“Er, what is that?” He didn’t move, his eyes just focusing on the tin container.

“Burn ointment, obviously.”

“And you just happen to carry around burn ointment, Evans?” Sirius said it with an air of rudeness. 

“When you burn yourself as much as I do, yes,” she shrugged, as though she hadn’t heard Sirius’s hostility. “Are you going to let me help or not, Potter?” 

“Wha--oh, er, sure,” he extended his hands, wondering why on earth she was being so pleasant to him. It didn’t make any sense whatsoever. The last time they’d really spoken was during the O.W.L. exams, and it had been a disaster. She hated him. 

“What’s in that?” Peter leaned forward, plants and potions always being an interest to him.

“Mostly lavender,” Lily unscrewed the cap and scooped some of the ointment onto her fingers. James could smell the lavender, and something...sterile? “Some aloe vera, and ashwinder eggs.”

“What do the ashwinder eggs do?”

“Mostly they just increase the potency of what’s already in here. It was my mum’s concoction originally, but I started tinkering with it a few years ago.”

Lily, for her part, was feeling just as awkward as James. She was acutely aware of Sirius Blacks occasional hostile glares--they’d never gotten along, to the point where it was almost easier for them to pretend the other didn’t exist, and here she was in their space. With her ex-boyfriend in tow. Thank God, Marlene had decided to take this moment to break away from the rest of their own group to wander over, just as Lily was rubbing ointment onto James’s fingers.

“McKinnion, what the fuck is going on with your hair?” Sirius snorted with laughter. Lily grinned. In the last hour, Marlene had let Lily tinker with some of the charm work that went into Marlene’s pink hair. The color was now such a shade that it almost seemed to radiate light. It was obnoxious and wonderful. 

“I have no idea what you mean, this is how it’s always looked.”

“There,” Lily finished with the ointment. “Just, er, don’t do anything with your hands for an hour or so and let that sink in. You should be all fixed by tomorrow.”

“Thanks, I guess.”

“You’re welcome, I guess,” Caradoc held out a hand to help Lily to her feet and she stood, smoothing out her skirt.

“I’ll see you guys around,” Caradoc said, hugging both Lily and Marlene and nodding to James before leaving entirely. 

Lily and Marlene made to leave too, back to their own compartment, when Peter blurted:

“Are you two back on then?”

James flushed with embarrassment, but he felt relieved that he wasn’t the one doing the asking. Lily turned slowly, a brow raised. 

“Not that it’s any of your business,” she said evenly. “But no. See you guys at the feast.”

* * *

Lily and Caradoc had dated for a good portion of fifth year. It had been a no-brainer match. They’d been friends for ages, both muggle-borns from the Midlands, both harbored a deep love of football, which then translated to a love of Quidditch. They both socialised in the same circles. 

Problem was, Lily had not been a very good girlfriend. She’d been clinging so hard to her failing friendship with Severus, doing all she could to please him, let him know that she could never love or be closer to anyone else. She’d neglected Caradoc, blown him off when Severus demanded. And then when Lily had finally realised that she and Caradoc could’ve actually been something real, he’d had enough. 

He’d been kind when he’d dumped her, still Lily had been crushed. She’d blown it before she even got the chance to see what they really could’ve been. And that, on top of finally severing ties with her oldest friend, and her father’s lymphoma, had made for a summer of extremely mixed up feelings on Lily’s part.

She’d hung out with old mates from primary school, starting and ending a relationship with the muggle boy in town whose family owned an auto shop, Kit Parker. Things had gone too far. He’d liked her too much, and she...had felt next to nothing for him. And at first, Lily had wondered if that was because she still wasn’t over Caradoc. But seeing him for the first time in weeks had felt normal. Like they’d never been more than friends. And Lily knew that he’d felt the same. They were over each other, and that at least, was one bit of normalcy. 

What was _ not _ normal was how James bloody Potter had been acting around her. 

He’d been awkward, like he was embarrassed over something. But also kind of civil? Lily didn’t understand it, given that the last time they’d spoken, she’d told him he was just as bad as her Death Eater aspiring former friend. That had been too harsh on her part, she thought now, looking back. And if it were her, she’d still be furious over such a slight. So why wasn’t he? Sirius Black still seemed to harbor some anger; though he and Lily never did manage to get along. At least over the years, she and James had their moments. They had to, given how Lily was a reserve Chaser and Beater for Gryffindor (originally, the old captain had wanted her to have a permanent position on the team, but Lily had insisted she didn’t have the time to commit fully).

Still. Lily had been horrible to him last they spoke. There was no reason for him to even be kind of polite. It worried her, put her on edge. And then she’d wondered if that anxiety was a valid response, or just another way her friendship with Severus had poisoned her. Her brow furrowed a moment at the thought, but then she shook it off as a question was directed her way, and very quickly, she was the girl without a care in the world again. 

That was how the rest of the train ride passed; her working overtime to be the light she’d always tried to be with her friends. Her not expressing her real worries, instead debating over and over again which classes she thought she’d take to N.E.W.T. level. And as she spoke, the rain that had been pouring down in London became relentless. The first years were going to have a job of it, crossing the lake. 

When at last, the train reached Hogsmeed Station, Lily was relieved to breathe fresh air, even if it meant getting wet. She dragged her trunk to a nearby carriage with her friends, shouting for first years to follow the gameskeeper, Hagrid, as she did so. None of the other twenty-two prefects seemed too dedicated to standing out in the rain, guiding students to carriages. Only Kingsley Shacklebolt, the Head boy, and Slytherin, and Diana Fetterman, the Head Girl, Ravenclaw, were doing their job. So when Lily had her things loaded onto the carriage, Lily said, “See you at the castle,” and abandoned the promise of being warm sooner, to go help manage the crowds. 

Thankfully, it didn’t take long. Everyone was eager to get inside, and Hagrid had made quick work of getting the first years loaded safely onto the boats. All that was left was a lone horseless carriage for Lily to take with Kingsley and Diana. 

“Thanks for your help, Lily!” Diana said in an uncharacteristically bright voice. Lily liked Diana, she did. She was going to be a brilliant Head Girl; but she was very serious. She could be very shy at times. Kingsley was a brilliant stroke of balance to her. He was friendly, spoke in the kind of voice where you couldn’t help but feel calm. Yes, he was Slytherin, but he’d always been a part of a faction of Slytherins that didn’t buy into the whole blood-purity bullshit. And he was Marlene’s cousin. So Lily knew him a little better than most. He and Diana were going to be excellent. 

“It was nothing,” Lily waved her hand dismissively, happy to be under a roof again. “Rain makes people stupid.” 

“Still,” Diana said. “You were the only prefect helping us. That shows Head Girl initiative.”

Lily felt her stomach drop. That was the last thing she wanted for herself come next year. “Ah well, let’s hope for everyone’s sake it doesn’t come to that,”

“So modest,” but Lily detected a hint of judgement from Diana. As though she couldn’t understand why anyone wouldn’t want to be Head Girl.

“How’s Marlene?” Kingsley said in his very calming voice, changing the subject.

“She’s good. Don’t say anything about her hair though. Not unless it’s praise.”

“Because?” Diana raised a brow.

“Because Sirius Black has already said something critical about it and Marlene is plotting her revenge,” Lily shrugged. Kingsley laughed as though he’d expected nothing less from his cousin. And Lily felt a little jealous just then of their bond. They were like brother and sister, despite both of them having a large immediate family of their own. Whereas Lily had never felt further away from her own, actual, sister.

The rest of the journey up to the castle passed in polite conversation, both Kingsley and Diana dropping hints for things they had planned during their tenure as head students, and Lily thought they were all in good hands. As they reached the school, Lily said good-bye to them and pushed her way through the throng of students to reach Marlene and Mary. Lily noticed Professor McGonagall, who was on her way to greet the first years, pass a rather repulsed look at Marlene’s shimmering pink hair. A look Lily was certain Marlene had seen, but elected to ignore. 

The three of them took their seats at the Gryffindor table, Ayisha having joined her Ravenclaw mates, and waited patiently for the sorting to start. When at last McGonagall came strolling into the hall with the first years, someone let out a groan.

“Merlin, we weren’t that short, were we?”

“Yes you were, Black, don’t be rude,” Marlene hissed back.

“Wasn’t talking to you, McKinnion.”

“Shut up,” Mary said, as the hat began to sing its song.

Lily rolled her eyes at the exchange, wondering if her friends and Potter’s friends had always been this...petty with each other. She’d thought nobody had seen, but James Potter himself seemed to catch her eye a moment and there was something of a sympathetic look about him. Weird. Every single encounter with him today had been weird. 

The hat finished its song, and Pettigrew made a comment about how much he wished the hat could sing something that didn’t stress school unity in spite of what was going on outside. Remus said something back about how they could hardly blame the hat, since it lived in Dumbledore’s office, it was obviously influenced by him. And then the first name was being called. And Hufflepuff got the first new student of the year. In the end, Gryffindor wound up with ten more students for their ranks, and Lily was already putting names to faces.

“Does anyone know who the Quidditch Captain for Slytherin is?” Sirius asked, once the food had appeared. 

“Emma Vanity,” Mary replied. How Mary knew that, Lily didn’t know.

“I told you no one was mental enough to make your brother Captain,” James said, scooping potatoes onto his plate. “He’s a fifth year besides.”

“Somebody was mental enough to make you Captain last year,” Peter grinned. 

“Yeah well, I’m a better player than Regulus is.”

“Here here,” Sirius toasted. 

“Speaking of Quidditch,” Mary cleared her throat, looking at James. “You’re going to have to find a replacement. I’m not playing this year.”

A lot of things happened at once. Lily’s mouth fell open, Marlene, who had been mid-sip, started choking. James and Remus dropped their forks, James gaping at Mary like she’d hit him in the head with a Bludger. Peter glanced from James to Mary, as if expecting one of them to laugh, and Sirius looked furious. 

“Why the bloody hell not? We’ve got the best chasers in the school and you want to ruin that?” James elbowed Sirius in the side, as though imploring him to keep his voice down. 

“Mary,” Lily said gently. “Why would you want to drop Quidditch?”

“There’s a lot more important things than Quidditch.”

“But...You’re so good!” Marlene protested. 

“Why are you just telling me now?” James seemed to have recovered his shock and now he just looked immensely irritated. “You’ve been with the rest of the team all summer running drills.” 

“Yeah, well I didn’t know if I was going to quit or not. Now that I’m here, I’ve found I’ve lost interest in the stupid sport.” 

James sputtered. And Lily looked affronted. She and Mary had been so fascinated by the sport played on brooms once. Two muggle-borns, awestruck at all this new world had to offer. They’d been desperate to learn all the rules of the game, the most excited--Besides James--to take flying lessons. Quidditch had brought her and Mary together. And now Mary was just...not interested?

“Mary--” she began

“I don’t want to hear it, Lily!” Mary picked up her plate and stood. “You play. I’m done.” And then she walked down to table to join the seventh years. 

Lily and Marlene exchanged half worried, half bewildered looks. And Sirius uttered a rather nasty swear. 

“Uh, Evans,” James cleared his throat. “Mary’s right. We might need you to play.”

“I don’t have the time to go full time--”

James held up a hand, “I know. And I’ll hold tryouts. But if the new player can’t get up to the same level as the rest of the team, I’m gonna need you to sub in against Slytherin. We _ can’t _ lose to them.”

And well, Lily might not have been as dedicated to Quidditch as James Potter, but she was all in for her team. And she knew how devastating a blow it would be to lose to Slytherin after a four year winning streak. She nodded, “Okay. I’ll do it if you need me.” 

“Thanks,” James seemed to release some of the tension he was holding onto. And Lily looked down at her plate, appetite gone. What was up with this year? And what was wrong with Mary?


	2. Keep on Walking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First day of school blues. What more can I say? Teenagers do stupid shit.

**Chapter 2**

**Keep On Walking**

When Lily woke the next morning, she almost forgot what had transpired the night before. The sun was streaming through the windows, as though a storm hadn’t been raging just hours before. The sun seemed to be trying to make a peace offering, or encouraging Lily to do the same. But when she raised her head, all she saw was the bed Mary was supposed to have slept in. Empty. 

Mary hadn’t slept in their dorm last night. Lily and Marlene had stayed up late, waiting, wanting to try to understand what was going on with their friend. Wanting to be there for her, for whatever it was she was going through. But Mary hadn’t come in. And now Lily was reminded of a similar night, one where Mary hadn’t come home, and had woken up in the hospital wing. 

Lily threw off her covers, getting up to get ready for the day, hardly pausing to take notice of Marlene doing the same thing, her hair a vibrant red and gold this morning. She still took care in getting ready, hoping against hope that Mary would come in just as Lily was ready, to get her school things. But Mary didn’t show up. And Lily glanced around the dorm almost helplessly. 

“I’m sure she just crashed with Ayisha in Ravenclaw tower,” Marlene said, almost hopefully. “How often has Ayisha done the same here when she and Dev fight?”

“Yeah,” Lily said. But she didn’t believe it. Somehow she just knew Mary wouldn’t have wanted to spend the night with anyone who knew her too well. 

“C’mon,” Marlene patted Lily’s shoulder. “She’ll be at breakfast, we’ve got to get our schedules for classes anyway.” 

That was true, so Lily nodded, follollowing Marlene down the stairs, several other Gryffindors doing the same. Nobody wanted to be late on the first day. Everyone wanted time to pursue their class schedule, to eat a lazy breakfast, and continue catching up with the summer gossip. As they entered the Great Hall, the two of them scanned the crowd of people, looking for Mary.

“There she is,” Marlene nodded her head, and Lily looked where she was indicating. There was Mary. Not sitting with any Gryffindors. Not sitting with Ayisha at the Ravenclaw table. But at the Hufflepuff table...with Caradoc. They looked…

“They’re cozy,” Marlene scrunched her nose.

“Yeah,” said Lily. “But Caradoc is like that.”

“Mary isn’t.”

Lily wasn’t sure what to make of that, so she just shook her head, “C’mon, let’s go eat.”

“I’m sorry, Lily,” Marlene sensed something was amiss, and as she and Lily took their seats, she gave her friend a concerned look. “Does that bother you? Do you still fancy him?”

“No,” Lily said. And she meant it. She’d already realised she was over him, and he’d been right to dump her. They weren’t a good match in that way. And it had been a huge weight off her shoulders to find that Caradoc wasn’t treating her any differently. That the time apart had healed any wounds. She didn’t want to lose him entirely; he’d always been a good friend. 

“It’s just...weird,” she said finally. “Mary doesn’t come up to the dorm all night, and she’s never been close with Car, yet she’s over there all cozy with him? I mean, what if she fancied him all the time we were dating? I’d feel bad that I’d gotten in their way. But what if she’s just trying to push buttons after last night? I just..I dunno what to think.”

Overhead, the morning post was coming in with all the things students had forgotten to pack. A large barn owl swooped down to deliver Lily the  _ Daily Prophet _ , and she paid for it before taking the paper. But she didn’t open it to read. Whatever, probably, horrible news it brought could wait. Mary was more important. 

“She’s definitely been off this summer,” Marlene tossed her braids (which she’d braided into one larger one) over her shoulder, leaning in to help prevent any eavesdropping. “It was like, one minute she’d be excited about something, and then the next, nothing sounded appealing. And I think she was dating a lot, but she wouldn’t talk about it.”

“Well, that part isn’t unusual,” Lily shrugged. “If she was dating a muggle that is. I dated too this summer, but it’s hard enough being muggle-born here without getting involved with a muggle. Too many people make weird assumptions, and it’s hard to bring in other magical friends if you’re seeing someone who doesn’t know you’re a witch. You either have to break it off before school, or tell them and risk being seen as mental.”

“I know that,” Marlene waved a hand. “But you were seeing one person. I think she may have been seeing..._several_.”

Lily frowned and poured a cup of tea. At the end of the table, McGonagall was beginning to pass out schedules. “So, what should we do?”

“I dunno. Maybe we shouldn’t say too much until she offers up information. Maybe things at home weren’t great this summer and she’s just taking out her frustrations?”

Lily didn’t necessarily thing that was a good excuse for snapping at everyone and staying out all night, making her roommates worry, but it might explain dropping Quidditch. She wasn’t sure though about the idea of just, not saying anything. After all, last year when things with Severus were reaching their peak, when Lily was so anxious and stressed, her friends had pressed her to talk. They hadn’t let her be. 

But then of course, that had only made Lily buck. She’d gotten defensive and closed herself off.

“I dunno what to think,” she said finally. “But her dropping Quidditch is troubling, Mar, you can’t deny it. She’s been on the team nearly as long as Potter.”

“I know, but maybe she’ll change her mind.”

“Or maybe she’s just not interested anymore,” Mary’s voice made both Lily and Marlene start. Mary grinned and slid in between them like nothing was wrong. “I’ve had a lot of time to think over the break and Quidditch just isn’t fun anymore. I did horribly on my O.W.L.s, maybe I was too focused on helping win a damn Quidditch cup than I was at studying.”

“But you can do both!” Marlene said. “Potter and Black do it and they’re the top students in the year!”

“And they’re both pure-bloods.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Marlene was suddenly defensive. But she was a pure-blood herself, and these things were often lost on her. Lily, however, knew exactly what Mary was on about. It was the same thing she struggled with too: the feeling of needing to always prove herself, the feeling of always feeling like you’re on the outside, or always playing catch up with those raised around magic. If a muggle-born was rubbish at something, anything, then they didn’t truly belong in the magical world. But if anyone else was complete rubbish at pretty much anything magic, well, at least they had a magical name. 

“They had a head start,” Mary shrugged and reached for some eggs. “ _ Caradoc _ understands that.”

"Oh?” Lily was desperate to steer the conversation elsewhere. “Were you in Hufflepuff last night? I hear their common room is nice.”

“More like Hufflepuff was in  _ me _ ,” Mary grinned wickedly, and Lily and Marlene exchanged a look. “Oh, I hope you’re not jealous, Lily. It’s just he was so kind last night and really listened to me and we just connected. It was just us caught in the moment!”

“I’m not jealous,” but after hearing the word twice now this morning, Lily did sound a little upset, which made her statement seem contradictory. And that seemed to be what Mary was going for. She didn’t bother saying that moving that quickly with someone didn’t seem at all like Caradoc, because maybe it was. She and him had never had sex, but Lily was always pushing him away, maybe if she hadn’t done that, they would’ve. But it didn’t matter, because Lily didn’t want to make tensions worse. 

“Don’t worry if you are. We’re not dating.” 

Lily closed her eyes for patience, and was rescued by the sound of McGonagall arriving to sort out their classes. Finally! A distraction!

After a few minutes of discussion, Lily decided to drop Ancient Runes, Astronomy, History of Magic, and Divination. Keeping on with Potions, Defense, Transfiguration, Herbology, and Charms. She felt a little gutted about giving up History, but she reasoned she could keep up on her own time without struggling through Professor Binns and his boring lectures. She also likes Astronomy, but she didn’t need it. 

Marlene kept on with Charms, Transfiguration, Defense, Herbology, Care of Magical Creatures, and Astronomy. 

Mary, however, had a more difficult time deciding what she wanted to do. She couldn’t take Defense, Potions, or Transfiguration, given her O.W.L. results. And she didn’t seem to want to take much else, giving McGonagall a little bit of attitude along the way. In the end, she stuck with Charms, Astronomy, Divination, and Herbology. 

Lily checked her schedule and sighed. On the plus side, she had Potions first. Here at last was a chance for her to relax and do something creative. But also...she had Potions next. Severus will have certainly kept it on too, and she’d be face to face with him for the first time in weeks. She had to bite the bullet sometime. 

“Right,” she stood, shouldering her bag and grabbing her Prophet. “See you in Defense,” she didn’t care that the comment might sting Mary. Who had, by all definitions of the term, been a complete cow all morning. Lily didn’t know what she and Marlene had done to deserve such treatment, and she was eager to get a little distance, now that she knew Mary hadn’t been hurt last night. 

The morning spat, the tension, it made Lily wonder if she was ever going to have the space to actually confide in her friends about her dad. Not that she really wanted to. But it felt too much like lying to just not say anything. And what if she needed to leave school for a funeral. Her stomach dropped at the thought, and for the first time all morning, she felt like crying. And maybe she would’ve pitched into the loo to do just that, except for the voice calling her name. 

“Lily, Lily! Wait up!”

“Not now, Caradoc,” she gritted her teeth. 

But of course, Caradoc, with his longer legs, caught up to her and stepped in front of her. One look at her face told him all he needed to know, and his expression sank. 

“Mary told you?”

“In a manner of speaking.”

“Oh God,” Caradoc rubbed his face. “You’re not angry, are you?”

“No,” Lily snapped. “But I wish people would stop  _ asking _ me that.” Which, technically, nobody had asked her that. But she felt like jealousy and anger were, in this particular situation, kind of the same thing.

“I dunno what to say,” he went on. Were all boys this oblivious? “It just kind of happened and--”

Lily did the only thing she could think of and stood on her toes to cover Caradoc’s mouth with her hands. “I  _ don’t _ care. I really don’t. We’re broken up, that’s how it’s staying. You can shag Mary all the two of you want. I do not need the details, okay?” 

And without waiting for an answer, Lily shoved past him and continued her trek down to the dungeons for Potions. She had too many other things to worry out, this stupid boy rubbish Mary seemed intent on making a Thing, was not something she wanted to dwell on. The only plus side of the most recent confrontation, was that Lily no longer felt like crying. Sure, she felt like screaming now, but that was better than crying. And her frustration seemed to dull the anxiety she felt about being one step closer to facing her former best friend. 

She didn’t know what to expect from her first encounter with Severus. It was possible he’d ignore her. It was also possible that he’d be as vocal as Avery and Mulciber in his hatred of her and all muggle-borns. And then there was the third option. Maybe he’s try to get her alone, like he had the night he’d called her a mudblood, and explain. Maybe she would get sucked in again. Maybe he’d use dark magic on her. He was fully capable of it, she knew he’d been inventing spells and whatever that mindreading branch of magic was; he had been interested in it for years. Maybe it was stupid, but Lily was afraid of him and everything he could do. And he thought her dirty blooded. 

And she was going to see him in probably every class for the rest of her time at school. 

But thank God for Ayisha. She was already in front of the potions door, hand in hand with Dev Bakshi, a gaggle of two other Ravenclaws and a Hufflepuff around them. When Ayisha spotted Lily and gave her a brilliant smile, it was easy to ignore Severus, Avery, and Mulciber talking quietly in the far corner. 

“Morning, sunshine!” Ayisha smiled. “I saw you talking to Caradoc, it looked serious.”

“It wasn’t,” Lily rolled her eyes. She wasn’t sure how much she should say, especially around so many people who weren’t really friends of Mary. “He just thought it was. You know how boys are.” 

“That’s sexist,” Dev commented. 

“No it’s not,” Ayisha squeezed his hand. “Sometimes you boys think something is serious when it’s not, and when something is serious, you don’t think it is!”

“It’s not our fault girls are bloody confusing.” 

“Emphasis on the bloody,” Ayisha gave a grin, making all the boys in the circle shift uncomfortably. She tossed her long raven hair over her shoulder in triumph. 

Before anyone had a chance to comment, the door to the Potions classroom opened, and Slughorn’s giant belly poked through. 

“Welcome!” he boomed, giving Lily and his other favorite students an extra nod. “Come in, come in!” 

There were three tables set up, each with a potion already brewing. And one cauldron atop Slughorn’s desk. The dungeon was full of contrasting smells, the air hazy with vapors. Ayisha, Dev, and the other Ravenclaws and Hufflepuff took a seat at one table, filling it. The Slytherins, their own. And since Lily would’ve rather grown her own dick and sucked it than to have sit with the Slytherins, she happily took the only remaining table. She peered over the edge of the cauldron at her table, it was bubbling and looked like mud. Polyjuice potion. 

“Now then, I’d thought I’d--”

“Sorry we’re late, Professor!” Peter Pettigrew came bursting through the doorway, clutching a handkerchief to the side of his head.

“Yeah, we-er-fell down the stairs!” James Potter came in right after, his shirtsleeves rolled up, exposing a cut on his forearm, he was attempting to tie a bandage around it as he and Peter took two of the empty chairs at Lily’s table. Something, call it intuition, call it experience, told her they did not, in fact, fall down the stairs. 

“It’s alright, m’boys, we were just getting started,” Slughorn looked as though he were debating whether or not to say something about the injuries, but thought better of it. “Mr Black not joing us?”

“No, sir,” Peter squeaked. “He said there was no point if he couldn’t blow things up without losing points.”

Slughorn frowned at that, but said nothing as he closed the door with a flick of his wand. “Now, as I was saying, I thought I’d start the lesson with some potions you all should be able to successfully brew once you’ve completed your N.E.W.T studies.

“Now this first one,” he gestured to the potion at the Slytherin table. “Who can tell me what this little bugger is?”

It was too far away for Lily to see, and in any case, she knew Severus was going to beat her to the answer. He’d had time to look at it up close. 

“It’s Veritaserum, sir,” Severus said. “It is odorless and colourless, and once taken, forced the drinker to tell the truth.”

“Very good, five points to Slytherin!”

“So if it’s odorless, the stink coming off the table must be him, right?” Peter mumbled under his breath. James snorted. Lily almost felt herself smile a little too. Almost. She was too focused on her own made up competition. 

“And who can tell me about this--” Slughorn had begun, gesturing to the RavenPuff, but Lily cut in before Severus could even have a chance to answer.

“That’s Amortentia, sir. The strongest, fakest, love potion in the world.”

Slughorn chuckled. “Too right, it’s impossible to create love, but the potion does an excellent job of imitating it. It creates strong infatuation, and is, in truth, the most dangerous potion in the room. Can any of you smell the potion?”

“I can!” Ayisha looked very much at home, breathing in the potion in front of her. “I smell curry, frankincense, and pine!”

“I don’t smell that,” Dev frowned beside her. 

“And that’s because?”

Again, Lily beat Severus to the punch. “The smell is different for everyone, depending on what attracts us.”

“Excellent, five points to Gryffondor! And, I think, Miss Evans, you can tell me which potion sits in front of you?”

“Polyjuice potion, sir. Like Amortentia, this one too, has unique characteristics. Once bits of whomever the drinker wishes to appear as is added to the potion, the potion will change its look and smell, reflecting the character of that person.”

“Ten points to Gryffindor for the very informative answer!”

Lily sat back in her seat, feeling slightly smug. She’d gained her house fifteen points in less than five minutes, and Severus had only managed five. 

“Nice one, Evans,” James said, just as Avery shouted:

“But what’s in that cauldron on your desk?”

“Oho!” Slughorn smiled gleefully. Lily knew, from everything she’d heard from older students, that Slughorn did this every year with his sixth years, and he always waited for someone to ask about the fourth potion. And Lily knew which potion it was without having to see it. “This one, ladies and gentlemen, is a very special potion. This is Felix Felicis--”

“Liquid luck?” James burst out, as though he couldn’t believe a professor would just leave that out in the open, in a classroom full of rule breakers.

“Indeed, Mr Potter. Now, Felix Felicis is a desperately tricky potion to make, takes about six full moon cycles, and any mistakes can cause disastrous effects. But this batch has been brewed correctly, and if taken, you will find yourself successful in all your attempts, that is, until the effects wear off.”

“So then why don’t people take it all the time?” Peter looked as though he’d really like to steal the whole vat of it. 

“Too much of a good thing,” Slughorn seemed amused at the interest this particular potion was garnering. Lily, knowing what was coming next, was quietly getting out her potions supplies. “Taken in excess, the potion can cause dangerous overconfidence, giddiness, and recklessness. It’s highly toxic in large quantities. But taken on occasion...Well, you will find yourself having a few perfect days.”

Slughorn paused, taking up a very tiny vial and scooping a miniscule amount of Felix Felicis into it before corking it. “Now,” he said when he was done. “If you take out your textbooks, I’ll have you turn to the pages on the Draught of Living Death.”

There was a sudden noise of people pulling out scales, ingredients, and books. Lily was already flipping to the appropriate page, a pen, not a quill, in hand.

“You will have the remainder of the class period to brew this potion. The best attempt will win this bottle of Liquid Luck.”

There was a flurry of excitement. James even said: “No fucking way, sir!” before realising his outburst and turning slightly red. Fortunately for him, there was too much noise around him for Slughorn to have noticed. He had to shout to make the class quiet down again.

“A word of warning,” he said sternly. “This potion is banned in all competition, including sporting events and elections. It’s a banned substance in exams. You will have about twelve hours of good luck should you win it, but you cannot take it to give you a boost in competition. Use it on an ordinary day only, and watch as that day become extraordinary! Now...off you go!”

Everyone began pulling out the necessary ingredients, all of them trying desperately to find a way to give their potion an edge. Lily had a feeling though that her only real competition was her former best friend. If she beat him, it would just be another victory in her tiny revenge. And she’d known this was coming, she’d had time to study the potion a bit, consider alterations to make her potion better. 

Before her, Severus hadn’t ever considered changing the instructions. But Lily had grown up learning baking from her mother. And baking was all about modifications and improvising. It was exactly like potion brewing in that sense. While Severus had gotten good at potion modification, he wasn’t as carefree as Lily. Didn’t understand as well how plants and other things interacted with each other. He was good, but she was better. She didn’t need him to be excellent, and she wanted to make sure everyone in the class knew it.

She started chopping valerian roots. “So, I know you didn’t fall down the stairs,” she said casually. “What really happened to you two?”

“Lost a bet,” Peter mumbled, counting out his roots.

“A bet that involved throwing knives?” She threw her roots into her cauldron, and according to her own modifications, added valerian blossoms. Bluish steam began rising from her cauldron, and the liquid instantly became the smooth, black currant-colour it was supposed to.

“Close,” James shrugged. “I bet Sirius I could duel him without my glasses, and er, collateral damage was had.” 

“I swear to God, Potter, if you get yourself too injured to play Quiddtich, I’m killing you,” Lily said in an offhand way, crushing her sopophorous bean and throwing that too in the cauldron, her potion turning a lovely lilac shade. 

“I appreciate your concern, Evans.” both he and Peter seemed to be struggling with their potions, and Lily, breezily stirring her potion, felt charitable. 

“Crush your beans, don’t cut them,” She suggested. Both James and Peter furrowed their brows, but did as they were told. And their own potions colours improved. 

“You’d think the son of the man who invented Sleekeazy’s would know how to brew potions better,” Peter said sardonically.

“Oi, Wormtail, we don’t talk about my shame.”

“I don’t understand,” Lily checked the temperature of her potion as it gradually went from lilac to a light pink. “Both of you had to get really good O.W.L.s just to get in this class, yet you all talk about this class like you can’t understand it.” 

“Potions is too…” James paused and then waved his hands in a nonsensical fashion. “Doesn’t make much sense when you think about it.”

“That isn’t true at all!” Lily insisted. “It’s like chemistry!”

“The fuck’s chemistry?” Peter looked confused. 

“It’s...never mind, muggle stuff.” 

An odd look crossed James’s face, but neither he nor Peter said anything more. The two of them continued with their potions, seeming to struggle. But privately, Lily thought they were doing a fair job. 

When at last Slughorn called time, Lily was quite satisfied with her result. Her potion was as close to perfect as one could get. Slughorn passed over each student’s potion, giving suggestions here and there, looking at Severus’ he seemed delighted, which worried Lily a little. Getting to the Gryffindors, he praised both James and Peter, but he let out a bellow of laughter upon seeing Lily’s.

“There can only be one winner! So gather round as I examine Mr Snape and Miss Evans’ potions a little more closely!” He brought their cauldrons to the center of the class, getting out a few tools used for testing, commenting on the subtle differences between the two potions. Lily was tense. So was Severus. So was the whole class. The bell rang, but no one made to move. Everyone wanted to know who would get the lucky potion.

Finally, Slughorn straightened up, beaming. “In all my years, I have never had the competition come this close. Class, you are in the presence of two, truly brilliant minds. But our winner is...Miss Evans. Her use of the valyrian blossoms was truly a stroke of genius! Another well-earned ten points to Gryffindor, and your Felix Felicis!”

Lily pocketed the lucky potion, beaming, and made to pack her things. Ayisha was at her side in an instant, singing her praises. She wasn’t the only one. Aside from the Slytherins, everyone who passed by offered a word of congratulations. Such was everyone’s dislike of Severus, they all would rather lose to Lily than see him win. 

Dev had gone ahead with the rest of the class, Ayisha leaving with Lily, James, and Peter. None of them giving the Slytherins a thought. Ayisha was chattering away about what a “disaster” her potion had been, but that she was expecting N.E.W.T. level potions to be a bit harder. Lily was happy to listen, grateful for a small victory today. And she’d won herself twelve hours of good luck. The things she could do for her dad with that luck! 

“Hey, Muggle-Fucker!” 

Pulled out of a trance, Lily turned, confused, but knowing somehow that the insult was directed at her. Ayisha, James, and Peter all turned as well. Avery was leading the pack sneering. 

“If you’re going to try and duel me for the luck, Avery,” Lily said dryly, “You might as well pick your second now.” 

“You think you can come back here after shagging scum like you and steal victory from  _ actual _ wizards?” 

Though Lily didn’t show it, she was very anxious again. There was only one person who could’ve known just how much time Lily had spent with the muggles her age in town. One person who maybe could’ve figured out just how far she’d gone with Kit. And he’d been talking to his little Death Eater mates about her. 

“Don’t talk about Lily like that!” Ayisha snapped. “Just because she’s better than you at potions, and nobody wants to shag you--”

“Oh, but I forgot,” Mulciber had that truly evil grin on his face that made Lily shiver a bit whenever she saw it. “Your mum’s a mudblood too, Zhu!” 

“Don’t you talk about my mum--”

Instinctively, Lily took a half step in front of her friend. “If you’re gonna fight me, throw down the bloody gauntlet already. If not, fuck off.”

“Oh, we’ll come for you, Evans,” Mulciber still had that horrid grin on his face. “But on our own terms, like we did with your other mudblood friend. Tell me, how is MacDonald?”

Whatever Lily’s frustrations towards Mary were at the moment, she was suddenly seeing red. She wanted to hurt Mulciber. To hurt Avery, and make Severus feel like such a fool for ever throwing in his lot with _ them _ . As the trio made to walk away, all them laughing (yes,  _ all _ of them), Lily made a lunge at Mulciber. She wanted to punch his face in, shut him up in the most thoroughly muggle way. But a pair of hands grabbed her around the waist and held her back. 

“ _ Let-me-go _ !” she snarled, kicking at whatever she could. 

“Easy there, Evans, we can’t have a prefect getting in trouble for fighting, now can we?”

“ _ Fuck _ you, Potter!” She shoved the other off her, her face flushed with fury. 

“Lily…” Ayisha started. Seemingly lost for words. She’d never quite seen her friend lash out like that. 

“You heard what he said about Mary! You just wanna let that go?”

“No!” Ayisha insisted. “But I also heard him threaten you, Lily! You have to be careful!” 

“Zhu’s right, Evans, you need to be careful.”

“Oh, shut up, Potter. You don’t get to tell me what to do, not about this!” 

“Lily, please!” Ayisha looked close to tears. She cried easy, but Lily could sense her fear, her concern. Ayisha took Lily gently by the arms. “You know what he did to Mary. She can’t even remember everything! I can’t see that happen to another one of my friends. Please, be careful!”

Lily was silent, still fuming, but working to bury her rage. She loved Ayisha, truly. But there were some things she couldn’t understand. The war wasn’t just outside the school. It was here, and it was claiming victims. If Lily didn’t fight for herself, for others like her, who would? Maybe she’d be the one to get Mulciber kicked out finally? So what if she got herself chucked out too? It might be worth it. 

“He won’t hurt me,” she said finally.

“He just threatened you, Evans.”

“He won’t hurt me,” Lily squared her shoulders, almost daring any one of them to contradict her. And while she knew that the three people around her thought she was acting mad, she didn’t care. Lily was certain in that moment that there was nothing Mulciber could cook up that could hurt her more than what she was already dealing with. Stupid bravery? Maybe. But she didn’t care. And with that thought, she turned on her heel and began walking up to lunch, Ayisha following in her wake.

* * *

  
  


“Oh, we’ll come for you, Evans,” Mulciber still had that horrid grin on his face. “But on our own terms, like we did with your other mudblood friend. Tell me, how is MacDonald?”

Last year, James might’ve been the first person to react to something like that being said. This year however, he’d promised himself to be less reactive. To think a little bit more about what he was doing. Mulciber’s statement, however, really pushed James. 

Seemed like someone else had been set off too. He reacted on instinct. Somehow knowing just how Lily was going to throw herself forward. As much as he would’ve loved to see Mulciber get his arse handed to him, he doubted that his classmate would come off the fight unscathed. So he grabbed her around the waist, preventing her from lunging forward. He held her as Mulciber, Snape, and Avery laughed and walked away. 

“ _ Let-me-go _ !” Lily snarled, kicking at him. 

“Easy there, Evans, we can’t have a prefect getting in trouble for fighting, now can we?” James was trying to joke, but his toes  _ really _ hurt.

“ _ Fuck _ you, Potter!” She shoved him off her, her face flushed with fury. James took a few extra steps back, suddenly wary of her fury. 

“Lily…” Ayisha started. Seemingly lost for words. 

"You heard what he said about Mary! You just wanna let that go?”

“No!” Ayisha insisted. “But I also heard him threaten you, Lily! You have to be careful!” 

“Zhu’s right, Evans, you need to be careful.”

“Oh, shut up, Potter. You don’t get to tell me what to do, not about this!” 

“Lily, please!” Ayisha looked close to tears. “You know what he did to Mary. She can’t even remember everything! I can’t see that happen to another one of my friends. Please, be careful!”

The silence was charged, and James could see Lily doing some fast thinking. He and Peter exchanged a look, wondering if they ought to leave. 

“He won’t hurt me,” she said finally.

“He just threatened you, Evans.”

“He won’t hurt me.” 

She sounded so final, so confident. James had to admire that, even if, when it came to anything Mulciber related, he thought it was best to be wary. He’d been playing Quidditch against the git long enough to know the bloke was capable of a great deal when he had the chance. There was no chance to say anything, however, because in a second, Lily was turning to leave. Ayisha gave him and Peter a worried look and followed after. James stood still a moment, giving the two girls space, before he too resumed walking. 

“Is Evans going a bit...mental?” Peter asked. 

“Don’t ask me to understand girls, mate,”

“Maybe she just needs to eat,” Peter shrugged. James raised an eyebrow. “Girls get mental when they’re hungry.”

“I think Mulciber has a habit of making anyone mental,” Although Peter did have a point. Girls did seem to be in a better mood once they’d eaten. But then again, so did he. 

They entered the Great Hall, Remus and Sirius were already there, eating, but not speaking, eyes trained on some scene James couldn’t see. 

“What’s up?” he asked, taking a seat and a plate. 

“MacDonald and Dearborn shagged last night, it’s all over the school,” Sirius gave a wolfish grin. “I do so love when back to school gossip  _ isn’t _ about me.”

“Don’t hold your breath, Padfoot,” Peter started loading mashed potatoes onto his plate. “Your brother had been telling people about the night you left home. You’ll be the topic of conversation by tonight.”

“Git,” Sirius rolled his eyes. “Apparently MacDonald thought the shagging was only a shag. Can you imagine? A bird wanting no strings attatched sex?”

“I thought you’d be used to that by now,” Remus remarked dryly.

“This conversation is boring,” James said, faking a yawn. “I don’t give a toss what MacDonald is getting up to. Not unless she’s decided she made an error in quitting the Quidditch team.”

“Better topic: what kind of Defense Professor d’you think Bulstrode is going to be?” Remus asked. James noticed that Remus seemed to be addressing himself and Peter more than Sirius. 

“A wanker,” Peter cut into his stew. “My mum says all the Bulstrodes are gits.” 

“Your mum’s right,” Sirius nodded. “He’ll probably favor the Slytherins. Git.”

“Moony will win him over,” James rubbed Remus’ head, as though for good luck.

“Doubtful,” Sirius shook his head. “All the professors know about him don’t they? If Bulstrode is as big a purist as the rest of his family, Moony’s got no chance.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Remus muttered darkly. 

It was the same every year. James could hardly fail to notice it, and he was sure that Remus never stopped noticing it: New professors always treated Remus differently. They had to know about his condition of course, that way they could give Remus homework extensions when needed, and be sure not to plan tests on the full moon. But it was clear which professors thought less of Remus for being a werewolf. They treated him with trepidation or contempt. Only the professors who had come back every year seemed to look at Remus as more than what he couldn’t help. It wasn’t fair, James realised. And it would never stop.

“We’d better get going though,” Remus stood, shouldering his bag. “Might as well get Bulstrode’s contempt of me over with.”

“Yeah, Padfoot and I already have detention, we don’t need to be late on top of that and lose points for Gryffindor,” James stood too, Sirius and Peter following suit. 

They were the last ones to line up outside the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, the Slytherins, as per usual, huddled off to the side, sniggering over something. Most of the Ravenclaws (with the exception of Ayisha) were off on their own too, and the handful of Hufflepuffs were standing with Lily, Marlene, and Ayisha. The three of them were pouring over a newspaper Marlene was holding, the Hufflepuffs listening to whatever was being read. 

Lily had her arms crossed, and looked no less irritated than she had earlier, and Ayisha was casting her anxious looks. Curious about what the news was, James lead the others over. 

“I dunno, Lily, I don’t think you need to worry,” Marlene was saying, looking up from the paper.

“Matlock is in my county, Mar,” Lily said. And she sounded like she was holding back some of her frustration.

“What’s up?” Remus asked, trying to read the paper upside down.

“A muggle family was found dead in Matlock,” Ayisha offered. “Dark mark over their house and everything. Sounds like the Ministry is having a job explaining it.”

“Who the fuck cares what they’re having trouble with,” Lily snapped. “You guys don’t get it, d’you?”

“Lily--” Marlene started, but Lily cut her off. 

“Forget it. Sorry for snapping.”

Remus tugged the paper from Marlene and started to read the article in question, a crease forming on his brow. 

“Don’t you live in Cokeworth?” he asked Lily after a moment.

“Yeah, why?”

“Death Eaters don’t seem to plan attacks in the same county close together,” Remus folded the paper. “I’d reckon you don’t need to worry about your family for a bit.”

Lily opened her mouth as if to argue, but then she shut it. There was a beat where she ran a hand through her hair, sweeping a few locks out of her face. “Thanks, Remus,” she said. Somehow, James could tell that she hadn’t actually been reassured by this observation Remus had made. But maybe she was tired of fighting after her runin with Mulciber earlier. 

James checked his watch. Bulstrode was late, and the door to class was locked. And out of the corner of his eye, he could see a student bolting down the corridor, seemingly in a hurry to get to class. Too late, he realised the person wasn’t looking where he was going, and he slammed right into Lily and Marlene, knocking them (and himself) over.

Marlene shrieked, grabbing onto Lily’s robes, as though that was going to help her keep her balance. All it did was choke her friend as they fell. The other student landing in a heap on top of them. 

“Sorry!” he seemed flushed with embarrassment. 

“Sorry’s right!” Marlene stood with an angry huff. “You should watch where you’re bloody going!”

“Sorry!” The boy offered a hand to Lily, who took it, rubbing her neck.

It took James a moment to place the boy, but then it clicked. Rabastain Lestrange, Slytherin seventh year. He was quiet, but James had seen him hang around Mulciber’s crowd. Then again, he’d also been known to associate with Shacklebolt. And Lestrange was staring at Lily, for an uncomfortable amount of time. Expecting the worst, James braced to retaliate. 

“Er…” Lily managed. 

“Sorry,” Lestrange said again. “You have pretty eyes,”

“Er-thanks, I guess,” Lily rubbed her neck again. 

“Careful, Lestrange,” came Avery’s drawl. “You got Mudblood all over you!”

“Oh, y’know what, Avery?” Lily rounded on him. “Why don’t you chew off your own cock and spare the rest of us having to deal with you!” 

“Excuse me?” it seemed Bulstrode had arrived at last. And he was staring down at Lily with contempt. “That kind of talk from anyone is despicable, especially from a prefect.” 

Lily looked down at her shoes, the fight seeming to drain out of her at once. “Sorry, sir.” 

“I’m not the one you should be apologising to.”

“With all due respect, sir, I don’t make a habit of saying sorry to people who call me ‘mudblood’.”

“I didn’t hear Mr Avery use such foul language,” Professor Bulstrode looked at Snape and Mulciber. “Did either of you?” Both shook their heads. James felt himself growing furious. He hated Snivellous, but a part of James thought that maybe Snape had some loyalty to Lily still. Guess you never really could trust a Slytherin. 

“You ought to apologise, Miss Evans. It’s either that, or detention.” 

She looked their new Defense professor in the eye. And not for the first time that day, James found himself admiring her nerve. “Then I guess I’ll be taking the detention.    
  


\----

The school week had been brief, and so in just one day, James and Sirius found themselves making their way down to McGonagall’s office for their detention. The incredible thing: That neither Peter nor Remus had gotten themselves in enough trouble to join them. Usually there was a way to drag the other two down with them, though perhaps it was for the best. News had finally traveled around the school about Sirius having left home. Regulus had told enough people his account, and there had been whispers following Sirius around all day. 

Sirius pretended he wasn’t bothered by it, but James could tell he was. So far, the two Black brothers were pretending the either didn’t exist. A ploy made easy by the fact that they were in separate houses, but before, they did sometimes still stop to talk. This new arrangement was so strange to James. He would’ve thought two brothers might try to maintain a relationship after a summer of no contact. 

“You alright?” he prodded, making sure his pace matched Sirius’.

“Right as rain. What d’you reckon McGonagall will have us do? Write lines?”

“Y’know mate, it’s okay to be upset.”

“About detention? Why?” Sirius was deflecting.

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about,” James said gently. “I know you don’t really like having all your family stuff out in the open and it’s--”

“Not out in the open,” Sirius said flatly. “Regulus might be thick, but he’s not  _ that _ thick. He’s not going to give out all the details about what happened. His mates can think he’s the good little boy he is, and everyone else gets to see I’m over my parent’s bullshit.”

James didn’t exactly think it was that simple, but he opted not to say anything. 

“I don’t miss him and I don’t miss  _ them _ ,” the way he said ‘them’ was filled with a contempt that almost scared James. But it wasn’t like he couldn’t understand. Sirius had been given awful parents; but it was still strange in a way, that such a family could be so dysfunctional. “They’re not my family, Prongs. And I don’t care who knows it. The less people associate me with them, the better.”

“Yeah, ok,” James patted Sirius’ shoulder as they neared McGonagall’s office. Sirius knocked on the door.

“Ah, Mr Potter, Mr Black, right on time, for once,” McGonagall surveyed them over her glasses sternly. But James thought he saw a hint of amusement under her expression. “Follow me.”

Obviously they did as they were told, following in their favourite professor’s wake. 

“The two of you will be serving separate detentions. Potter, you will be cleaning in the trophy room--absolutely no magic.” James shrugged. He’d spent enough time in the trophy room over the years, cleaning was nothing. “Black, you will be helping Professor Sprout in the greenhouses with...whatever she requires.”

“But Professor,” Sirius put on an expression of worry. “Isn’t that, I dunno, dangerous?”

James snorted. McGonagall looked as though she wanted to smack Sirius over the head. “Professor Sprout will excuse you when she is satisfied with your work,” McGonagall gestured for Sirius to make his way out to the greenhouses. “Potter, I will check on your progress in a few hours.”

McGonagall would of course be escorting James all the way to the trophy room. He’d had a history of getting sidetracked before when trusted to find his way on his own. Perfect flying conditions had once beckoned him outside to have a run on his broom. He’d missed his detention. And earned an entire week’s worth in the fallout. James still thought it had been worth it. 

“I must say, Potter, I was very pleased with your O.W.L. results,” McGonagall’s voice was brisk, but there was a hint of pride underneath it all. “There hasn’t been a higher score in Transfiguration in at least a decade.”

“Er-thanks, Professor,” James muttered. He knew his scores were good. Well above outstanding, if there was such a grade. But he could hardly reveal why he’d done so well. 

“I look forward to see how you progress in the field, Potter. You show great promise.”

If only she knew. Most of the time, James enjoyed his illegal status as an animagus. It was a private joke for four. But it did feel weird keeping it from McGonagall of all people. James had a feeling that maybe she wouldn’t approve of them going through the process illegally, but she might approve of the intentions behind it. The secret had to hold though. The wrong person finding out could mean Azkaban for them all. And Sirius had already exposed part of the secret. 

“Y’know how much I love your classes,” James offered a cheeky grin. “It’s hard to choose which I like more, them or Quidditch.” 

“No need to kiss up, Potter,” there was a definite tone of affection now. James considered his work done. “You’ll find your partner is already inside working. There’s an extra set of polishing equipment in there.”

“Wait, my...partner?”

McGonagall only pointed to the door leading to the Trophy Room and James pushed open the door. 

Lily Evans was sitting inside, working. 

_ Aw, fuck. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was mostly written in one sitting. It's a lot easier to get things out once that first chapter is written (which took me three weeks), but fast chapter turnaround like this should not be expected. I'll make an effort to get things up when I can, but real life obligations take precedence. Unfortunately. 
> 
> This chapter was also originally going to be longer, but I decided to split part of it. You'll be getting the detention in chapter three, along with the rest of what I have planned for that particular chapter!
> 
> I would also like to take a bit of time to explain the fic title, and current chapter titles.   
The name of the fic was taken from a line in the song "Nina Cried Power" by Hozier. Def give it a listen if you haven't.   
Chapter One was likewise named from a Hozier song (Movement) but Greek myth also played a role.   
This chapter was named for the Gabrielle Aplin song of the same name. Another song y'all should listen to. It's one that describes to a T how I view the Lily/Severus relationship (aka toxic and abusive as fuck). That song especially is important to Lily and how I intend to shape her.
> 
> I love comments! Please leave them, I even enjoy engaging with them, because discussing characters and plot points is super fun to me. I love knowing what you think! Thanks for reading!
> 
> xxx Kels


	3. Revolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bit of this, bit of that.

**Chapter 3**

**Revolution**

  
  


A dark chill had been settling over London when Alastor Moody had been making his way into the Ministry earlier. And while the enchanted windows displayed a tropical sunshine day, Alastor knew that there was no hope of London replicating any hint of that same weather. Fitting, given the fallout from Matlock. 

The Ministry was keeping the details of the attack quiet; as demanded by Prime Minister Minchum. Not that Alastor didn’t agree. He’d arrived on the scene in Matlock expecting bodies...but this had been a massacre unlike anything any of them had seen from Death Eaters thus far. There was a question of if this was the start of new harline tactics from Voldemort, or if his followers had only decided special circumstances were needed in this case. 

Any minute now, the sole witness would be brought in. A muggle, right in the heart of the Ministry of Magic! Alastor scratched his chin, dipped his quill back into the ink pot and continued his report to Dumbledore. 

_ Charles Dennis was the prime target, that much became clear the minute we entered the house. His body was hanging from the bannister, evidence of both muggle and magical torture was used. F. Longbottom suspects it was all to make a point: make the outspoken squib suffer as painlessly as possible. Specific details of his death are still forthcoming, the autopsy still being done: but it was prolonged, and he was the last of them to die. Other family members suffered similarly, but not to the same extreme. There was one survivor: the grandson, Xavier Smith, 19. It is unclear if he was left alive deliberately or if this was a slip up. Will be questioning him soon… _

There was a knock on his office door, and he grunted in response. Alice Longbottom strolled in, her arms full of reports gathered by other Aurors no doubt, and Muggle-Worthy Excuse Committee. He would need to look at all of that, unfortunately, and then he would duplicate every single one of them to send to Dumbledore. 

“They’re bringing the boy up now, Alastor,” Alice said. “They’re putting him in the Wizengamot Administration room, seemed to think it was the most Muggle-friendly place.”

Alastor grunted in response, not particularly caring where he was going to question the boy. “And Minchum?”

“Frank is getting him,” Alice paused, a frown on her face. “Is it a good idea to have Minchum here for this?”

“He’s the bloody Minister, not much you nor I can do ‘bout him wanting to hear this. But make no mistake, Longbottom,  _ I’m _ the one doing the questioning.”

Alice nodded and the two of them made their way down the hall to the Wizengamot headquarters. Somewhere, an elevator dinged and Frank and Minchum’s voices could be heard as they stepped into the hall. 

“...Truly dreadful business. Anyone caught will suffer the Dementor’s Kiss of course…”

Alastor made a mental note to include that in his report to Dumbledore. Minchum was becoming increasingly more hardline. He’d only gotten the job when Eugenia Jenkins had been ousted from office. Jenkins had been incompetent, no doubt, in stemming the threat of Voldemort. But just a year into his tenure, Alastor knew that Minchum would be no better. And he knew Minchum was feeling the pressure too. Only problem was that Alastor (and many  _ many _ others) had their doubts about anyone being up for the task. Save perhaps Dumbledore, but he seemed intent on wasting away running Hogwarts and keeping the Order underground. 

Though, perhaps keeping the Order a secret had been one of Dumbledore’s better ideas. Much more progress was being made behind the scenes. Even if everything still felt much like a dog chasing its tail. The Death Eaters were somehow always several steps ahead. Which meant that there were certainly leaks within the Ministry.

That wasn’t news though. Every time they patched a leak, another one burst open. But the Order of the Phoenix didn’t have the same problem. Every single member was vetted by Albus Dumbledore himself before they were brought into the fold. And more than that, there were informants who only knew of one or two members, and who never were granted access to meeting times and places. It was a shame really, that the Order couldn’t take official control of this investigation. At least Alastor had Frank and Alice with him tonight.

He nodded to Minchum and Frank when the other two caught up just outside the door. 

“This is dreadful business, Alastor, truly dreadful,” Minchum was saying.

_ Yes, I believe I heard you saying the exact same thing to Frank _ . “The Death Eaters are becoming more bold, Prime Minister.”

“Sirs,” Frank interjected. “How are we going to proceed with the boy after questioning? Will his memory need to be modified?”

“I don’t see why,” Alastor said gruffly. “His grandfather might’ve been a squib, but his entire family knew of the magical world, Xavier included.”

“Erasing his memory might be a kindness though,” Alice said. “After everything he’s seen, maybe letting him forget would be a kindness?”

“An excellent point, Longbottom,” Minchum said, though Alastor could tell that the Prime Minister didn’t care either way. 

“And let him wonder what happened to the rest of his family?” Alastor raised an eyebrow. “We’ll decide what to do after I’ve spoken to him. And it will be me who does the talking.” He stared at Minchum, but Frank and Alice should’ve been smart enough to know that the comment was directed at them too. Once he got nods from the three of them, Alastor put his hand on the doorknob and gave a look that said _ ‘Let’s get this over with’, _ before leading the way inside.

Xavier Smith was small for a 19 year old. Or perhaps it was the trauma of finding your entire family dead that made him look small. Either way, he didn’t strike an impressive figure. It almost didn’t make sense that he’d somehow escaped this ordeal alive. A Healer had wrapped a blanket around his shoulders for shock, and a cup of strong tea sat untouched before him. The boy didn’t even look up when the four of them entered the room. Nor when Alastor took the chair opposite him. Xavier’s eyes had an empty, glassy look about them. Perhaps he was too traumatised for this interrogation to be of any use. Behind him, Frank was getting a quill and parchment out to take notes. 

“Evening, Mr Smith,” Alastor said. “I’m Alastor Moody, Head of the Auror office here at the Ministry of Magic. D’you know what that is?” 

Xavier gave a stiff nod as Alastor knew he would, and when he was about to move on to other questions, the boy spoke, his voice horse. “You’re the magic coppers, yeah?”

“That’s right,” Alastor nodded. “Have you been treated well so far since being brought in?”

Again the boy nodded, but said nothing else. What more could be said? He could’ve been given luxury treatment but it wouldn’t have mattered. Not in these conditions.

“And d’you know why you’re here?”

“M-my family, sir...They’re dead.” 

There was no easy way to respond to that, so Alastor only nodded. “They say you were found on the scene after your muggle police got the call. Can you tell me how you came across it?”

The boy was silent for a long time, his eyes still glassy, and Alastor contemplated repeated the question, Xavier managed to speak up. 

“I’d...gone to pick up peas.”

“Peas?” Alice said. Alastor put up a hand to silence her before she could say any more. 

“Yeah...they’re a vegetable.”

“We know what peas are, laddie,” Alastor was gentle with his words, but there was a note of firmness when he spoke. “Why were you getting peas?”

“We needed them for the roast. I’m...a fast runner, see. Mum knew I’d be quickest.” 

“And how long were you gone?”

“Twenty minutes, I think.” His voice was monotone when he said it, like he’d been rehearsing, but didn’t care about the answer he was giving. Alastor gave the boy a long, careful look, trying to decipher every line on his face. 

“Twenty minutes...And when you arrived, what did you see?”

“They were in masks,” Xavier said, meeting Alastor’s gaze for the first time. Something flickered behind those glassy eyes; it was chilling. “They made me do things,” his voice was hollow, and as Alice swore behind him, and a chill ran down Alastor Moody’s spine, the boy kept talking, as though a dam had broken and his words could no longer be contained. “My mum was sobbing, screaming, so I cut out her tongue. It felt so...nice. Everything I did, I knew it was right. I says to my grandad, ‘This is for stepping out of your place, muggle’. He was screaming when the woman killed him. 

**The woman.**

“Who was the woman?” Alastor’s throat was dry. He could hear Frank scribbling furiously. 

“Dunno. She wore a mask. She was kind to me when she told me to wait, told me to scream and cry until someone came. I just wanted to please her. Still do.”

“This man needs to be taken to Azkaban,” Minchum broke the silence. Despite the circumstances, Alastor wanted to roll his eyes. 

“He’s been Imperiused, Minister, he needs--”

Xavier had lunged from his seat, throwing his tea in Alastor’s face. He yelled in surprise. Alice yelled for Franke to move, a jet of red light coming from her wand, missing her target. Xavior thrust himself onto Minchum, hands wrapped around the Prime Minister’s throat. Harold Minchum went through every effort to never show fear, but right then, his hands flailing desperately, Alastor could see how the man’s life was flashing before his eyes. 

This had been the intention all along. An elaborate and gruesome murder...All to kill the Minister for Magic. It was sloppy. It was stupid. Alastor shot a stunning spell towards the boy, hitting him solidly in the back. Xavier slumped forward and Frank pulled him off Minchum. Alice helped the Prime Minster to his feet. 

“Get the Obliviator on call,” Alastor wiped the tea from his face. “We’ll be modifying his memory after all.” 

* * *

  
  


Detention. Detention with Lily bloody Evans. James Potter could think of nothing worse. This had to be a new form of torture, being locked in a room with the girl you fancied. What on earth was James supposed to do about that? It was one thing, interacting with her when there were several other people there to act as some kind of buffer, but being alone with her? That had never happened before. 

For her part, Lily didn’t seem too bothered by this arrangement, which James thought was totally unfair. Yeah, she’d made it clear she detested him, but it seemed unjust that he was the only one uncomfortable. Hogwarts professors were getting really good at punishing James Potter for his antics. 

He sat down by the other set of polishing equipment and picked up the nearest trophy to work on, occasionally sneaking glances at Lily. She sat cross-legged, looking more at ease than he’d seen her since the start of term. And if she was upset at her having to serve an unjust detention, she didn’t show it. 

“Y’know,” James found himself saying. “If you need tips on how to clean quicker, I’ve done this particular detention thousands of times.” 

James knew from the look on her face that it was a stupid thing to say. 

“Why would I need advice on how to clean without magic?” Ah right. That was why it was a stupid thing to say.

“Er-right…” James rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “I-er-forgot...you’re er...muggleborn.” 

Again, James could tell by her face that Lily wasn’t pleased by that response. But she didn’t say anything. Instead she stared for a moment, then with a slight shake of her head went back to the task at hand. James had no idea why he was so incapable of having any kind of intelligent conversation with her. Always, always, he put his foot in his mouth. He didn’t understand it. He could have conversations with other girls; so what was it about  _ this _ one specifically that made him act like such a prat? 

They worked in silence for several long minutes. For each and every one of them, James agonized about how he’d upset her, and how to make it better. He polished, he put a clean trophy back, and he polished again. 

“Earlier, you didn’t like what I said,” he managed after what felt like hours, but had only been fifteen minutes. 

“Hm?” Lily looked up, it was hard to gauge her expression.

“When-er, when I said I’d forgotten you were muggleborn. That upset you, didn’t it?”

“I’m not sure ‘upset’ is the right word, Potter,” Lily looked back down at her work. “Irritated, mostly. But I hear it enough that it doesn’t bother me for long.”

“But  _ why _ did it upset you?”

At this, Lily studied James with polite interest, almost as though she were deciding if he was worth responding to or not. James tried to meet her gaze, but found himself shifting uncomfortably. 

“Why was I upset that you forgot part of who I am, you mean?”

“Well yeah…” he pushed his glasses up back onto his nose and ran a hand through his hair. “I mean, isn’t something like that a good thing? Means you’re being thought of on an even playing field.”

“So…” Lily paused, as though she were trying to figure out how best to put her thoughts into words. “I’m only on equal footing when you can forget about my dirty blood?”

James felt like he’d been punched in the gut. His mouth fell open as he sputtered for words. Never had anything she’d said to him been so disarming. ‘You’re as bad as he is!’ Those words floated across his mind. She’d said them last spring. And at last, he seemed to fully see, to understand, just what she’d meant, and how right she was. Shame crept down his spine. How could he have been so thoughtless? 

“Fuck, Evans. I’m sorry...I shouldn't have...thought of it that way. Thought of you like that. I’d just...gotten used to thinking of magic as the default.” 

“But I don’t have any less magic than you do. Magic isn’t the default for anything, or it shouldn’t be.”

“You’re right,” James didn’t know what else to say. He felt like the biggest fool around. Herein lay the reason why she’d never given him the time of day. 

But then she surprised him. “I know you’re sorry,” she said, and her tone had taken a completely different shift. She didn’t sound tired, or irritated. She sounded  _ kind _ . He didn’t deserve that. “And thank you for apologising. Most people don’t.”

Lily swept her hair out of her eyes and adjusted her sitting position a little before picking up something new to work on. “I know everyone wondered why the hell I stayed friends with Severus for so long. Everyone was telling me for ages he was bad news. But interactions just like this were happening all the time. How could I drop one friend for being...awful, when the people criticising him could be just as demeaning, even without realising it?”

James didn’t expect anything like that coming out of her mouth. He didn’t expect much else from her, if he was being honest. She’d already said enough, she didn’t have to do that, but she did. And well, when she put her friendship with Snape like that...it made a little sense. A little. Because he still didn’t understand how the two of them ever became mates in the first place. But James could tell that if he asked her about that now, she wouldn’t give an answer. As far as he knew, nobody really knew how she and Snape had become friends. If people did know, James was sure the entire school would’ve eventually found out the details. 

“I-er, kind of put you in a difficult position then, didn’t I?” He thought back to last June. James didn’t realise until just now how humiliating hearing Snape calling her...that word, would’ve been for her. And the fallout afterward. All of Gryffindor had given her flack for it, shouting ‘I told you so’ at her while she tried to study for exams. Teasing her as more and more students came in from the library telling her her slimy boyfriend was waiting outside the common room for her. Until finally she’d gone out to talk to him. 

James remembered her coming back in, her face hard. She’d not bothered to get her books, just went straight up to bed. He felt awful. Sure, he hadn’t said a damn thing to her the rest of term...But he should’ve made people lay off her. He saw that now.

“I’m sorry ‘bout that,” he added. 

“Why are you being so nice to me?” Lily looked as though she hadn’t actually meant to say anything. 

“Er, should I not be?”

“No,” said Lily flatly, looking down again. 

“Why?” James felt irritated suddenly. 

“ _ Really _ ? You’ve really just forgotten how I said you were just as bad as...him? If it were me, I’d be furious.” 

James felt confused by the honesty. “I mean...sure I  _ was _ . But you weren’t exactly,  _ wrong _ , were you?” Hadn’t she just gotten upset by him forgetting she was muggle born, after all? 

“I was,” her voice was so quiet that it took James a moment to digest the words. And even then he wasn’t sure he’d heard her correctly.

“Er...Come again?”

“Oh, stop it!” she said irritatedly, but there was a hint of a grin on her face. Like she was having a go at him. “You know what I said, Potter.”

“Yeah, but it’s nice to hear you’re wrong sometimes,” he grinned. Then with a rumple of his hair, he changed tones. “But really, Evans, it’s fine. I don’t think you were exactly wrong to say what you did. Sure, I was angry ‘bout it. But I’m not any more.”

“But I  _ was _ wrong,” Lily insisted. “I mean, just look at you now, actually willing to listen and say sorry. Y-you don’t know how he is about muggles. Not really.” James raised a brow, as if asking her to elaborate, but she didn’t. “Anyway, I’m sorry I said it.”

“Water under the bridge, Evans,” he felt it was pointless to argue. Maybe she’d been wrong to say what she had months ago. Maybe she’d been right. As far as he was concerned, James didn’t think it mattered any more. 

She gave a soft smile, but didn’t say anything. The two of them worked in silence again for several minutes, but the silence no longer felt loaded. It wasn’t loud. It was just...comfortable. It was strange. How could what happened last June have been just a barrier between them? James hadn’t thought much of it, but she had, and maybe clearing the air was all they needed to feel normal. He’d never known what normal felt around her before. That would take some getting used to.

“So,” James said after a few minutes. He waited until he was sure she’d actually heard him before speaking again. “I’ll be holding tryouts next Saturday to replace Mary.”

“Oh,” Lily paused, as though she were debating whether or not to say anything. But, “Right”, was all she settled on. 

“I was wondering if you’d come? I mean, I know you just want to be reserve, but I was thinking you and Sirius can run drills with the people trying out, while me and the rest of the team take notes. That way they get a feel for how the pace is with three Chasers. You don’t have to, I guess but-er. I mean technically you’re still on the team, so your input matters too, y’know?”

Lily looked amused, and James felt stupid for his blabbering on. But to his enormous relief, she nodded. “Yeah, I’ll help. Gryffindor having a good team is still important to me.”

“Thanks.” 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t get Mary to change her mind,” Lily said. She looked sad when she said it, and James knew he wasn’t the only one in the room who was spending more time than usual worrying about his mates. 

“I didn’t know you were trying. But I appreciate the effort. Maybe if Slytherin crushes us, she’ll change her mind,” James felt sick at the thought of losing to bloody Emma Vanity and her team of wankers. 

“We won’t lose,” Lily reassured. “Vanity is a decent Beater, but she’s got a sloppy Keeper, and idiot Chasers.”

“She’s got a bloody good seeker though,” James pointed out. 

“So make Black switch to Beater for the game and he can knock his other off his broom. Brotherly rivalry is a thing, or so I’ve heard.” 

James smiled ruefully. He wondered if Sirius and Regulus would find some brotherly rivalry on the pitch. They used to shout insults at each other every match, but it had always been very brotherly. Now, James wondered if they’d keep it up, given everything. He hoped so. 

“Well, I’ve never had a brother, so I dunno how common that is.”

“I have a sister. Trust me, sibling rivalry is a thing. But my dad says brothers take it up a notch.”

“It’s an idea,” James was thinking out loud. “But I don’t think Lennox or Godfry will be too keen on having to sit out just so Sirius can hit his brother.”

“And they call themselves Gryffindors,” she shook her head, but she was smiling. It felt good, talking to her like this. Almost like they were friends. And for the first time since term started, James wasn’t thinking about how he was certain she hated him. It was fun, talking to Lily Evans. And he liked making her smile. Lily had a nice smile. 

“Well, if you think the new Chaser won’t be read in time for Slytherin, I’ll still step in. Hufflepuff will be more competitive with Caradoc leading the team, but he’s not going to do a total team overhaul, so they might be a better team to first play against.” 

“Won’t Caradoc be upset to hear you bashing his team like that?”

Lily shrugged. “He knows they’re shit. And I’m not his girlfriend any more so I’m not obligated to pretend otherwise.” 

“I didn’t know that was a requirement for dating,” James was genuinely taken aback by that comment. 

“Dating is rubbish,” Lily set a trophy back and took a new one off the shelf. “Too many stupid rules. Y’know how many people have asked if I’m okay with Mary and Caradoc shagging this week? As though I should still be in mourning for our failed relationships? It’s rubbish.” 

“Yeah but you and Mary are friends,” James wasn’t sure if he liked this conversation or not, but getting a peek into how girl’s brains worked should not be passed up. “Isn’t that...I dunno, weird?” 

Lily snorted. “No. I mean, it might’ve been, had the two of them started up right after I got dumped, but I’ve had ages to get over it. And now I don’t have to pretend to cheer him up when Hufflepuff loses to Gryffindor.” 

“Huh,” James mulled these words over. “Sirius always says you birds take ages to get over blokes.”

At this, Lily let out a peal of laughter. “We take as long as anyone. Black just has problems because he’ll snog one girl and then her friend the next day. And _ then _ ignore them both. People don’t like feeling used.” 

“Yeah, he is a bit of a prat about that,” James said. “But he knows it.” 

“Not once for romance, is he?”

James shook his head. It hadn’t occurred to him before now that that might be the problem. Maybe his best mate just wasn’t interested in being with anyone on that level. He definetly thought it was stupid that Ayisha Zhu and Dev Bakshi had been dating as long as they had. Maybe being with his mates was more important to him. 

The conversation flowed from there, and James felt himself laughing just as much. He felt like he was learning more about Lily in these few hours than he ever had in the six years as classmates. He learnt that her favourite Quidditch team were the Hollyhead Harpies, and she’d taken the mickey out of him quite fiercely for being a die hard fan of the Montrose Magpies.

“You aren’t even from Scotland, Potter!”

“You’re not from Wales!”

“My dad’s Welsh, you numpty! Evans is a Welsh name!”

Sure, he liked the Tornadoes, well enough. They were his local team. But the Magpies were something special. James had grown up watching them in matches with awe. The way they played Quidditch was like watching someone create art. How could James not love them? She let him off at that, but insisted she had the right to mock him mercilessly when it came time for the Harpies and the Magpies to play each other. 

James could only admit to himself that he was absolutely looking forward to it. Merlin, he was pathetic. 

He learnt that Lily’s sister was three years older than her, and was working in London, and that her worst subject was Transfiguration. When James (perhaps too enthusiastically) offered to help her if she needed it, she’d smiled and said: “I’d like that”. 

They were laughing when both McGonagall and Bulstrode came in to check their progress and excuse them from from detention for the evening. Sirius had already been let off by Professor Sprout, and James found him waiting up in the common room with Remus and Peter, when he and Lily entered it. 

“Night,” Lily waved cheerfully and disappeared up the spiral staircase. 

His friends were staring at him bewildered. Sirius didn’t speak until he heard a door coming from the girl’s dorms open and shut. 

“Did you two snog or something?” 

“No, Padfoot, don’t be daft,” James said, irritated. “She’s made it perfectly clear she’s not interested. But it’s much easier to talk to her when she’s alone.”

That much was true. But more than that, James found he didn’t exactly want to share everything with his mates. It almost felt like there was something private that had passed between him and Lily, and it felt wrong to share all of it with people who hadn’t been there. But maybe he was being stupid. 

“Whatever, have a seat, we need to get started.” 

James sat, and the four of them began making plans for their first full moon of the term.

* * *

  
  


Alice hated the Shrieking Shack. The building itself had existed when she’d been at Hogwarts. It had been old and falling apart then. But now it was something different. The people of Hogsmeed and the Hogwarts students believed it haunted and avoided it. But Alice knew the truth. The whole Order did. Dumbledore had wanted to use it as a drop off of information. Members of the Order came here to keep him informed, and Dumbledore provided the source of people’s fears of the building being haunted. Once a month, the building was forbidden to any and all Order members so some kind of beast or ghost could rip apart in the inside. On those days, Order members used the Hog’s Head Inn to drop off information. It was less secure, but Alice liked it much better. 

On her shoulder, a bag full of reports and notes Alastor had bid her deliver. In her hand, her wand, always ready. The Shrieking Shack was dusty, like it hadn’t been used in months. But that only made the building feel more eerie. Furniture was broken, there were scratches on the walls and floors. And somewhere above her, a _ crack _ sounded and floorboard had creaked. 

Silent as the grave, Alice crept into a shadowy corner. Dumbledore always entered the Shack via the fireplace. And she wasn’t expecting anyone else tonight. She waited, regulating her breathing, trying to slow her heartbeat. She’d had enough excitement for one day. Slowly, and quietly, a figure descended the stairs. They had their wand aloft, clearly checking corners. But Alice was better at hiding than they were at seeking. 

Deftly, she snuck around the figure as they made the landing, wrapped an arm around their neck, and pointed her wand at them. “What’s one pudding I can’t ever say ‘no’ to?” 

The person let out a sigh, and then a chuckle. “Really, Alice, you’ll need to think up better questions than that. Everyone knows it’s Spotted Dick.”

Alice made to let go, but Dorcas Meadows grabbed her arm. “Easy there, cupcake. I thought you were the auror?”

“That response is all I need to know you’re you.”

“I’m asking a question, Alice. And you have to answer it.”

“Fine, shoot.”

“Where is my birthmark located?”

Alice sighed. “Really, Dorcas?”

“Where is it, Alice?”

“It’s a trick question. You don’t have one, but you swear that your left nipple is darker than your right.”

Dorcas let Alice go and turned around to smile. “Very good. That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

“You’re impossible,” Alice rolled her eyes.

“But safe!” Dorcas Meadows grinned. She’d been in the Order a year, as a fresh faced Hogwarts graduate, working in the Muggle Liaison Office. A quiet job for someone so remarkably gifted at dueling. And despite the age difference, Alice had come to regard Darcas as a friend. It almost felt like they’d known each other their whole lives. “Whaddya got for the Old Man?

Alice glanced at her bag. “Reports from, Alastor. You?”

“Intel from the Prewetts. Their brother-in-law works in the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts office and likes to talk work gossip at home.”

“Arthur Weasley, you mean?”

“That’s the one,” Dorcas nodded. “You’d think he and I might get along seeing as we both love Muggles, but he seems to think I’m a bit annoyin’. So Ginger 1 and Ginger 2 get to work him for information.”

“You’d think the Weasleys would know what the Prewetts are up to,” Alice frowned. “Why haven’t we tried bringing them into the fold?” 

“D’you even know how many kids Molly’s got?”

Alice shook her head. 

“Me neither, but she’s got more than enough trouble the way Gideon tells it. The Weasleys have other priorities. And Fabian says his sister would kill them if she knew they’d joined an illegal vigilante group.” 

“Sounds like she has some common sense,” Alice muttered. “That Xavier kid, the one who witnessed the Dennis murders? The Death Eaters had him imperiused just to try and see if he could take out Minchum.”

“Yeesh! Judging by your tone the plan failed then?”

“Alastor was able to stun him in time. They’re going to modify the kid’s memory. The whole case is a bloody mess.”

“Everything’s a bloody mess these days,” Dorcas slumped against the wall, seeming not to care about the disgusting layer of dust. “It’d be somethin’ if we’d actually made real progress.”

“Xavier did offer up some potentially valuable intel,” Alice perked up, remembering. “He told Alastor during the interrogation that a woman imperiused him.”

Dorcas seemed to lean into this news. She frowned, thinking. “Could be….Bellatrix Black?”

“Lestrange,” Alice corrected. “She finally married the loser. Frank and I went to the wedding.”

“You’re absolutely mental!”

“We thought we might get some intel! But we came up with nothing. So Bellatrix Lestrange could very well be a Death Eater, but we’ve got absolutely no proof.”

“I could seduce her, see if she talks?”

“I don’t mean to sound rude, Dorcas, but there is no way in hell that she’ll shag a half-blood.”

Dorcas shrugged. “Worth a shot.”

“She’d kill you.”

“But then you’d have her on murder. I’m willing to take one for the team!” Dorcas winked, but Alice felt uneasy. Everyone joked like that. They had to, just to keep from going mad with loss when another Order member turned up dead, or didn’t turn up at all. But Alice never got used to hearing it. Frank said she had a gentle nature, but Alice didn’t think that was it at all. 

Left and right people were dying. All the time. Every day. The Muggles couldn’t always explain it, the Ministry kept the  _ Daily Prophet _ from reporting everything. Aurors died. Order members died. Ministry officials went missing. Muggles were brutalised. Alice sometimes had nightmares about it all, about everything she saw while on the job. It was horrible and it was constant. 

Alice closed her eyes, leaning on Dorcas slightly, as the flames in the fireplace came to life. 

“D’you ever think about it, Dor?” she whispered. She had to get the words out before Dumbledore came. 

“About what?” Dorcas put an arm around Alice’s small frame. 

“About how we’re losing this war?”

Dorcas sighed, a figure was appearing in the fire now. 

“All the time, Alice. All the bloody time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, please, please leave reviews! Words cannot express how much I love reading them, or how much I appreciate it. 
> 
> Chapter was titled by Revolution by the Beatles.
> 
> Yes, Sirius Black is a disaster aromantic pansexual. Also, none of my fics will ever accept Cursed Child as canon!
> 
> Thanks for reading!  
xxx Kels


	4. Wolves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Couldn't resist posting this on Halloween! Just in time for the end of Jilytober!

**Chapter 4**

**Wolves**

  
  


On Tuesday, 7th of September, Marlene turned 17. It was tradition since second year that Lily would sneak down to the kitchens in the morning of, and make Marlene fluffy pancakes as a special breakfast. She’d also get started on a cake to be enjoyed later. Every year it was a different kind, as per Marlene’s request. This year, it was chocolate firewhiskey cake. 

Lily had begged James to sneak out of the school and into Hogsmeed (because while he and his mates had always denied it, Lily knew they knew ways in and out of the school no one else did) for this special ingredient. He’d delivered, and even got several more bottles of the thing and some butterbeer. Marlene, who had always refused firewhiskey before, would finally have some of it now that she was of age. 

After some prep time, the pancakes were finished and the cake was underway. Lily put a charm on the plate of food to keep it perfectly warm and took it from the kitchens. Sure, she could have had the house elves magic it up to Gryffindor table, but this was a part of the tradition. Lily always presented the breakfast herself. And this year she’d finally made the world’s most perfect pancakes. Not even her mother had made anything this perfect.

Most of the Gryffindors were already at breakfast, but for Marlene’s birthday, Ayisha had joined them, and Kingsley would likely be coming over as soon as he came up from the Slytherin common room. 

“Two pumpkin pancakes,” Lily slid into her seat, placing the plate before Marlene, trying not to look too proud of herself. But Marlene’s eyes lit up, like they always did, and Lily couldn’t help herself. 

“I’ve been having dreams about these all week!” Marlene squealed. She closed her eyes and inhaled, taking in the scent of pumpkin and nutmeg.

“Those look fantastic, Lily!” Mary said. 

It had been a tense week for the two of them, but Mary had finally apologised for her frankly rude behaviour. Her parents had divorced in fourth year, and Mary was still adjusting. Her summer spent between them had been difficult, and the frustration she’d been holding in, she’d wrongly taken out on her friends. Lily didn’t think that was the whole truth, but she was willing to forgive. 

She still hadn’t told anyone about her dad. 

“Thanks, Mary!” Lily grinned as the sixth year Gryffindor boys took their seats. Each of them wished Marlene a happy birthday, though Remus’s was subdued. He looked bloody awful. Tired, extremely ill, a little stressed. Marlene seemed to notice it too. 

“Have one of my pancakes, Remus,” she didn’t wait for confirmation before dumping one of them on a plate and pushing it towards him. “Lily’s cooking has magical restorative powers and you look like you need a pick-me-up.”

“Gee thanks,” Remus mumbled, but there was a shadow of a grin on his face. 

“I keep hearing all this talk about your famous cooking, Evans,” Sirius drawled, helping himself to some toast. “But where is the proof?”

“Come hang out in the common room tonight, and maybe you’ll find out,” Lily grinned. She normally didn’t engage with Sirius much, but she was in a much better mood than she’d been in all week. “As payment for helping me secure the party favours.” 

“Cake, firewhiskey, and homework,” Ayisha put in. “It’ll feel very adult.” 

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that, Ayisha,” a deep voice said Kingsley had finally joined them. And he had company. While Kingsley had wedged himself between Marlene and Ayisha, Rabastan Lestrange had slid into the space beside Lily. 

Lily didn’t know much about Rabastan, except that he could sometimes be a bit of a loner, and sometimes he flittered from group to group. He was a Slytherin seventh year, and he was generally very quiet. Lily had never spoken or interacted with him at all until last week when he’d bumped into her and told her she had pretty eyes. 

She didn’t trust anyone who complemented her eyes. Petunia had always insisted they were creepy and weird. Too vibrant to be normal. But then, Rabastan had similar eyes. So blue you could drown in them, they were icy, sharp. Across the table, Sirius Black narrowed his eyes.

“This is the _ Gryffindor _table, Lestange,” he spat. “The fuck you doin’ here?”

“I see a Ravenclaw and another Slytherin sat here with no fuss,” Rabastan shrugged. “You can handle another of us.” 

Lily thought Sirius had a point though. Rabastan and Marlene weren’t friends. Why would he be here? 

“I wanted to see how you were doing, Lily?” Weird. It was as though Rabastan had read her mind. 

“Er?” she started lamely. “How I’m...what?”

“I ran into you pretty hard the other day,” he replied. Everything in his tone was friendly, smoothe, concerned. But still Lily didn’t trust it. “No lasting damage?”

“No,” Lily said. “Not even a scratch.” 

And then he did something that made her insides seize up. Rabastan, a man she’s never had a proper conversation with in her life, someone who she was naturally wary of due to his family name, reached out to brush hair out of her face. Lily was aware of several pairs of eyes on her. 

“I’m glad,” Rabastan said. He leaned in just a little, and Lily felt petrified. “Such beauty should never be tarnished.” 

_ What the _ ** _fuck_ ** _ ? _

Rabastan stood abruptly, and grinned. “I’ll see you around,” and just like that, he was gone. Lily turned forward, a look of utter bewilderment on her face. She had no idea what had just happened. 

“He’s cute,” Marlene nodded.

“He’s weird,” Kingsley said. 

“You ought to stay away from people like that, Evans,” Sirius said. He was eyeing Rabastan’s retreating form with loathing. “He comes from the worst sort of family.” 

That annoyed Lily. She hadn’t asked for his opinion, and they weren’t friends. “So d’you,” she said simply. “It’s not exactly fair to make snap judgements about someone based off their family.”

Never mind that she did that same thing about most the purebloods. Especially those on the Sacred Twenty-Eight list. They had to prove themselves as not being blood purists before Lily even entertained the idea of a proper friendship. Sirius only shrugged and resumed eating.

The end of breakfast meant Lily had a free period, as she was no longer taking several classes, so she bid goodbye to her friends and decided to take advantage of a nearly empty library. She decided she would use her Felix Felicis to help her dad get better. But Lily didn’t want to waste it. The potion was said to make the drinker lucky in _ all _ endeavors, but Lily was certain that there had to be limits. 

She doubted very much that the potion could make her fly without aid, or breathe in Space on her own. There had to be some kind of limits, and she needed to find them. Unfortunately, there weren’t a large number of potions books that focused on that particular potion. Most only have a paragraph or two, maybe, if she was lucky, there would be a chapter. And most said the same thing. In the end, she picked only two books that might be worth checking out, and made to leave. 

But the Restricted Section caught her eye. Only those in sixth and seventh year could access the section without a signed note. N.E.W.T. level students had to do increasingly more complex magic and research, and given how often they needed to research, it was pointless to make them get a note from a professor at any time. She could just wander in...See if there was something more to be found. Lily hesitated for just a moment, then the image of her father, how thin he’d gotten, swam in her mind. And she deftly stepped over the rope blocking off access to younger students. 

The books here were old. So much older than the books in the regular student section. Some of them, Lily was sure, hadn’t even been opened in decades. Her fingers brushed over the spine of a book called _ Magick Moste Evile _, but she drew away just as quickly. She wasn’t interested in Dark Magic. Whatever use it might have, it wouldn’t help her help her dad. She knew that much. No, what she needed were books on healing...on potions. 

She wandered the stacks, her anxiety growing the longer she spent there. Had Mulciber and Avery found the methods they used to hurt Mary in one of these books? Had Voldemort himself spent time here? Was he even _ British _? 

A book with a title so faded it was impossible to read caught her eye. And Lily pulled it off the shelf, flipping it open to see if there was a table of contents. She felt a queasy, nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach. Her vision blurred for just a moment, but Lily managed to steady herself with a shake of her head.

“Lily?”

She snapped the book shut, more irritated than she had any right to be at being interrupted. Lily looked up and froze. It was Severus. 

“Fuck off,” she muttered, turing her attention to the bookshelf. Or at least, she pretended to. Severus had cornered her at last. Somehow she always knew he’d find a way. Lily wondered if he’d been following her...watching and waiting. She would’ve balled her hands into fists if she wasn’t carrying books. First he spied on her all summer, reporting back to his Death Eater mates, and now he was following her here. 

“We need to talk,” Severus was taller, she saw that now. He’d always been taller than her, but he’d grown over the summer. This only infuriated her more. 

“I said everything I needed to in June,” she said shortly. “You’ve chosen your way, I’ve chosen mine. Now bugger off.”

“This has been going on too long,” there was this...was it self confident, look on his face. It only served to make Lily’s stomach tighten even more. And while she was loathe to admit it, she knew it was fear. She was afraid of him. She knew everything he was capable of, she knew, or had an idea of the things he’d already done. And she knew he hadn’t turned away from any of it. 

“Sorry, what is?” Lily sounded braver than she felt. She had that going for her at least. 

“You being upset at me, I told you, it was an accident.”

“You don’t just accidentally call someone a ‘_ mudblood _’ unless you’ve been using it regularly, Severus,” Lily snapped. Her anger, her fear was rising much faster than she liked. “Don’t insult me by implying otherwise.” 

“Look, I can help you!” Severus actually grabbed her free wrist, as though to stop her from just walking away. Bile seemed to rise from her stomach, and fear ran down her spine. Maybe he was gripping her too tightly, she couldn’t tell. But her attempts to wiggle away seemed feeble and useless in his grip. 

“_You _ ,” her voice was full of fire. “Haven’t done a goddamn thing that’s _ helped _ me since we met! You’re a liar, you’re just like your fa--”

“How’s your dad?”

“What?” The question was so disarming, that for a moment, Lily forgot her fury and her fear. But only for a moment. Then, like a tide, she felt the it coming back again. 

“Word was ‘round town he was sick. Still is. I can help you--”

“_Don’t _ you talk about my dad! You never liked him, and he never liked you. You don’t have the right to even think about him, you...you--”

“Hate to break up the reunion,” behind her, a voice cut in. And both James Potter and Remus Lupin slid out from behind another shelf. Both had their own books in hand. “But you’re disrupting those of us who are trying to study, Snivelly.”

Severus dropped his grip on Lily’s wrist and whipped out his wand, like he always did when faced with James Potter. Lily, shaking with rage, stepped right in the line of fire. 

“I don’t _ think _ so, Severus,” she snarled, pulling out her own wand. “You’ll have to fight me this time.”

Severus looked from Lily to James to Remus and back again, and Lily could see the gears of his mind turning. He was coming to some sort of conclusion on his own. And slowly, his face turned to a more sour expression. 

“I should’ve known you were just like the rest of them,” he hissed. “I won’t bother you again, Mudblood.” 

“Excuse you--” James made to lunge at Severus, but Lily threw an arm out, pushing him back. 

“Yeah, that’s right. I’m a mudblood. Better run along, I hear it’s contagious.” 

And Severus Snape left as silently as he’d come.

Lily felt as though her heart was pounding out of her chest. She couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, and her fingers were numb. It was as though she’d been holding something back all while Severus had been there, and him leaving had broken the dam. She was scared--terrified, and she felt tears coming. Lily dropped her books, hands reaching out to a shelf to steady herself. She took a breath, and another. But her lungs didn’t seem to want to fill. Or they couldn’t.

“W-what is…” she kept trying to breathe. 

Remus and James shared panicked looks, and then seemed to lunge into action. 

“Lily,” Remus’s hand was on her back. “Here, sit...There we go, just like that.” 

As she sank to the floor, Remus went right along with her, rubbing her back. James picked up the books she’d dropped and stacked them neatly. Then he got on his knees beside her.

Lily was equal parts terrified and embarrassed. What was happening to her? And why did it have to happen, here, now, where anyone could walk by? Perhaps it was just the aftermath of finally coming properly face-to-face with her former best friend. Perhaps it was everything she’d been holding in all summer. Everything she’d fought not to cry over, so she could be strong for her parents. She didn’t know. 

“Did he do something to you?” It was James speaking, and Lily was surprised at how soft his voice was. She’d never heard him talk like that before. She shook her head, keeping her face hidden. 

Remus withdrew his hand, directing his attention to the books stacked beside Lily. He flipped through the titles with a frown, stopping on the last one. “It’s ok, Lily,” he said after a moment. “This book is one of those that messes with your head. That’s why it’s restricted.” He stood to put it back on the shelf.

Again, Lily shook her head. While the strange feeling she’d gotten when she’d pulled it off the shelf made sense now, Lily knew that whatever it was she was feeling now was something different. James it seemed, was thinking along the same vein. 

“You dad’s ill?” he asked. 

At this, Lily raised her head. Her face was blotchy, a few stray tears were making their way down her cheeks. “How-how much did you hear?”

James seemed to hesitate, glancing at Remus before answering. “All of it.” He sat down next to Lily properly, shoulder to shoulder. On her other side, Remus did the same. 

“Yeah,” Lily wiped at her tears. “He’s ill.” Just saying it outloud, finally seemed to ease the knot in her stomach. “Really ill.” 

“For how long?” Remus was trying to adopt the same gentle tone James had, but Lily could detect how tired he was. Speaking of ill. 

She shrugged. “A while. Nobody told me until I got back from school this summer. But...it’s been a while. I dunno if even he knows how long.” 

“What is it?” James asked.

“Cancer...Hodgkin’s.”

Remus took a sharp breath, “Lily I’m so sorry!” he rubbed her back again. James shot his friend a questioning look, and Lily who’d just looked up again, caught it. 

“It’s a muggle disease. It kinda...attacks your body,” she wiped her eyes again. “There’s a lot of different kinds.”

“And a cure?”

At this, Lily let out a sob, hiding her face in her knees. James didn’t need the reproachful look from Remus to know he’d asked a stupid question. 

“N-not for him,” she managed after a moment looking up again. James couldn’t help it, with his thumb, he gently brushed away more tears. “He...went too long before getting a diagnosis...Doctor says we’ll be lucky to have him six months.”

Neither of them said that it was okay. And for that, Lily was immensely grateful. She’d heard that from so many people all summer. From her parents. From strangers. Every time she heard those words, Lily wanted to scream, to rip her hair out. Instead, James and Remus just sat with her, letting her calm down. And then at some point, James had his wand out and was making puffs of smoke shoot out the end. All of them different colors and shapes. It was so stupid, so childish. But it made her laugh anyway. And when the bell rang signaling the start of lunch, Lily was able to stand again. 

“I would, er, appreciate it if neither of you said a word about this,” she started hesitantly. “I haven’t told anyone else.”

“You shouldn’t keep things bottled up, Lily,” Remus said.

“I know,” she began. “But it’s Marlene’s birthday. It’s her day and I’m not spoiling it.”

The smile she put on her face then, how seamless it was, and how it managed to reach every part of her face, was disarming. Lily hardly looked like she’d been crying, like she wasn’t carrying this huge weight on her shoulders all the time. And James found himself wondering how often she’d had to do this. How many times had she put aside her own problems, pretending they didn’t exist, just to keep someone else warm?

They trio walked in silence for a bit, none of them saying anything as the each checked out their library books (Madam Pince gave James a highly suspicious look at his reading choices) and slipped them into their bags. Lily, much to James’s delight, looped each of her arms though his and Remus’s, forming a kind of chain. Lily frequently did this with her own friends, and James hoped they’d reached a real turning point somewhere in the last week. 

“You guys are joining us for cake after dinner, right?” she asked. 

James shot Remus a look, wondering if Remus would even feel up to it, what with the full moon being tomorrow. Remus shrugged. 

“Yeah sure,” Remus said. “We’ve heard so much about your famous cakes, and now we’re invited to try? Can’t pass that up, can we?”

Lily grinned. “Well, you did help me acquire the contraband after all. How much do I owe you for that, anyway?”

“You don’t,” James said shortly. “Cake’s enough payment.”

“Come off it,” she said briskly.

“Better give up now, Lily,” Remus said. I tried paying him back for something and he jinxed the coins to bounce off my head until I took them back.”

“I remember that! But really, I have to pay you back,” Lily insisted. “If you’d gotten caught you could’ve gotten into so much trouble!”

“I’ve done way worse than sneaking out to Hogsmeed, Evans,” James shrugged. “Consider it a birthday gift for Marlene. You don’t pay back gifts.” 

Lily shut her mouth, as though trying to figure out what in Merlin’s name James had done that was worse than sneaking out of bounds to buy alcohol he technically wasn’t even old enough to buy yet. But she shook her head, deciding she didn’t want to know. Which was good of her, James thought. No need for her to dwell on that too much. 

The less people knew about him becoming an illegal animagus to run around with a werewolf every month, the better. James could tell Remus was thinking the same thing, because he noticeably relaxed as Lily dropped the subject, and seemed all too keen on changing the topic.

“So...Rabastan Lestrange,” Remus began. James felt a rush of affection towards his friend for broaching the subject. Because while he too was curious, he didn’t have the courage to ask. “What’s up with that, Lily?”

She sighed. “I have no idea. I’d never even spoken to him before but he’s...I dunno.”

“Marlene’s right though, he’s cute,” James said in an offhand voice. Remus snorted. 

“You can have him,” Lily wrinkled her nose in disgust. “I think he’s kind of creepy.”

“A bit, yeah,” Remus nodded. “And Sirius was right, he knows the family...From what he’s said they’re not good people.” 

“Yeah, one of his cousins married into it. He didn’t go, it just happened, I think. But he’s known the family ages.” 

“The Blacks and the Lestranges two peas in a pod, then?” Lily asked. She could never keep straight which of the most elite wizarding families were on good terms. 

“Kind of,” Remus said. “So that gives you a good idea of what they’re like.” 

“Maybe,” Lily agreed. “But then everyone knows Sirius left his family this summer, so y’can’t really judge someone too much based off their family.”

It was probably the nicest thing Lily had ever said about Sirius, and James felt a surge of affection for her. The two of them had always gotten along the worst, and James knew that Sirius never thought much of Lily. So to hear that she could still see he was worth something was nice. Even if Sirius pretended he didn’t need validation, and even if he acted like Lily’s opinion didn’t matter, James knew that note of encouragement would mean a lot more than Sirius let on. 

“No,” Remus agreed. “But are you going to tell him off?”

Lily shrugged. “I dunno, maybe he’s just awkward. I want to make it plain I’m not interested in dating, not him or anyone, but I don’t want to be rude in case he’s just...well strange, and doesn’t know how to be friendly.”

“Not dating anyone?” James really was grateful that it was Remus who was spearheading this conversation. He and Lily had a longer history of being friendly, and James didn’t know how to carry out this particular line of conversation without sounding too hopeful. 

“Nah,” Lily said. “I saw someone over the summer and it was a bit of a mess. And well, what with my dad...I’ve er, got enough to be getting on with right now.” 

“Makes sense.”

“Yeah, well anyway,” Lily unhooked her arms from the two of them as they entered the Great Hall. “I’ll see you guys in Transfiguration!” And she left to go sit with the other girls. 

* * *

In the back of the classroom, Sirius and James were peering over the books they’d gotten from the library. McGonagall had been reviewing last year’s subject matter for the past twenty minutes, and neither James nor Sirius felt like they really needed to pay attention. Instead they were looking at the advanced Charms book James had picked out from the Restricted Section, a piece of parchment between them. 

Over the summer, he, Sirius, Remus, and Peter had gotten serious about their idea to map out the school. All its secret passages, classrooms, the grounds, and everyone inside. Sure, the invisibility cloak James had was exceptional for mischief making. But the four of them were getting too big to all fit under it. And a map as advanced as the one they’d dreamed up would be a crowning achievement in their efforts to create mayhem. 

Sirius flipped a page, and then nudged James excitedly. 

“Wha--oh!” James caught himself before he spoke too loudly, but McGonagall had been watching them for several minutes out of the corner of her eye, and didn’t miss this disruption.

“Potter, Black, am I boring you?”

Every single set of eyes flew to them, and Sirius leaned on the back legs of his chair, putting his feet up on the parchment they’d been writing on. A clever, and annoying ploy to hide their real work. “Absolutely not, Professor,” he said with a grin. 

“Yeah, switching spells, riveting stuff,” James added, messing up his hair.

“We haven’t been discussing switching spells for quite some time, Potter,” McGonagall said crossly. James felt his stomach sink. “We’re starting conjuring spells now. Perhaps you can demonstrate for the rest of the class?”

“Er-right,” James said slowly. Beside him, Sirius was stifling a laugh. “Er, what am I conjuring?”

“Birds, Potter.”

“Right, no probl--”

“Nonverbally if you please.”

Sirius really did laugh this time, and McGonagall shoved his feet off the desk, making his chair land with a thud. But she didn’t seem to notice the book or the notes. Her stern gaze was fixed on James, waiting for him to do as he was bid. 

James picked up his wand. He’d done conjuring spells before. But never nonverbally. McGonagall was trying to teach him a lesson in attention. But maybe he could manage this without losing Gryffindor points. He waved his wand and thought: _ ‘Avis!’ _ and to his delight, there was a loud bang, a flash of blue light, smoke, and several yellow birds seemed to burst from his wand. A few of the girls in the class shrieked, and James grinned as though it had been the easiest thing in the world. 

“Very good, Potter,” McGonagall said. And while she still looked irritated, James thought he could see a note of pride in her expression. “Now, the rest of you have the rest of the class to practice the spell. I don’t expect all of you to have it down by the end of the class, and you do not have to try it non-verbally yet. Get to work.”

And the class was filled with the sounds of students pairing off. Some of them went to work at once trying the spell, others seemed to be consulting their books. 

“Nice one, Prongs,” Sirius said, sticking their parchment inside the book and shoving the book in his own bag. 

By the end of the class, only James had managed to conjure the birds nonverbally (though Sirius had managed it by speaking the incantation). Everyone was given homework to read up on conjuring spells, and try to decipher where they were going wrong with the spell, and to practice. Only James was exempt from this assignment, which was good, because it freed up his time to help Remus for the next class.

Dinner was a quiet affair, none of them wanting to discuss the map so closely sat next to other nosey students. But when the four of them were done eating, they rushed up to the Common Room in order to grab a table in the far corner so they could work in private. 

“What’d you get?” Peter asked eagerly. 

“A gem,” Sirius pulled out the book James had found and opened it to the last page he’d been looking at. “Look at this. There’s a charm that makes it so the map could insult anyone we want!”

“Why would we need that” Remus asked, frowning. 

“Snivellous,” Sirius grinned. “He’s always got his greasy nose in our business. What if he got hold of the map and tried to work it? Instead he’d get insults, no matter how hard he tried to figure it out.” 

“Y’know how complex this spell is, Padfoot,” James asked, skimming the paragraph. “We’d have to put a bit of ourselves into the charm just to make it work.” 

“So?” Sirius scoffed. “We’ve done harder. And besides, it’ll be a laugh, and it’s added security.”

“He’s got a point,” Remus said slowly.

“Did you just admit I’m right, Moony?”

“Don’t get too ahead of yourself, idiot. It’s still a risk. I’ll bet you ten galleons that Snape knows we created the map the second it starts insulting him.”

“So?” Peter grinned. “What’s it matter if he can’t ever get the map to work properly?”

“Right,” James took the parchment that he and Sirius would be working on earlier, and dipped a quill in ink. “The insulting charm is up for debate now…” he wrote it out on the parchment.

“No way, we vote on it now!” Sirius insisted. “I vote yes, it’s brilliant!”

“I agree,” Peter squiked. 

Remus seemed to hesitate, but then he nodded. “Fine, it is kind of a good idea.”

“Motion passed,” James scratched out the ‘maybe’ on his parchment, and then went on to write. “But then we also need a spell to make it impossible for the wanker to work the map, even if he’s got the right words.”

“Agreed,” Remus said fervently. 

“Now,” James reached into his bag and pulled out several thick scrolls of parchment. “I’ve managed to knick this from Madam Pince. Blueprints of the school…” he unfurled one. “They’re out of date, but we can use it as an outline for the map. It saves us time, we just have to add what we know about the grounds, passages, and updates.” 

“Brilliant,” Peter said. “You’re drawing the map, right?”

“Obviously,” James scratched his chin. The portrait hole opened and a slew of students came in from dinner. Most of them began getting books out of bags to start homework. When Ayisha Zhu came in with Marlene and Mary, someone shouted: “Oi, this is the _ Gryffindor _ Common Room!”

“Shut up, Martin, don’t be a tosser!” Marlene shot back. “It’s my bloody birthday and I say she stays!”

“She doesn’t belong! Where’s a Prefect?”

Remus ducked his head low, and Marlene grinned, taking the best seat by the fire.

“I think I’ve got the Homonculous charm down,” Sirius muttered. “Won’t know for sure until we actually have the map drawn out though.”

“Right well, I’ll get started on that sometime this week,” James yawned. “It’ll take some time tough. You lot get to take turns with my at night, so I can make sure I’ve got all the current information.”

“Why do we have to stay up with you?” Peter pouted. 

“To keep a lookout, you prat,” Sirius snapped. “We should start tonight.”

“No,” James said. “Two late nights in a row is a bad idea, Padfoot. “I can start with that we know for sure. This common room and the third floor. That’ll take a couple’a weeks at best.” 

“Fine,” Sirius mumbled. It was clear he was eager to jumpstart his misadventures. 

James made a couple more notes on their checklist, and the others began pulling out books. They needed to get as much homework done as possible tonight to make up for tomorrow.

James slipped all things Map related into his bag, taking out Defense Against the Dark Arts homework he hadn’t even bothered to start yet, though it was due tomorrow. 

“I thought there was going to be cake, McKinnion,” Sirius shouted across the common room. 

“Lily’s down putting the finishing touches on it, you prat!” Marlene shot back, returning to her own homework. 

“Which reminds me,” James said. “When are we supposed to bring down the firewhiskey? I already gave a bottle to Evans--”

“You gave her whiskey? What for?” Sirius looked outraged. “That’s precious contraband!” 

“It was just one, Padfoot. She said she needed it for cooking or somethin’. There’s still plenty left.”

“Y’don’t want to bring it down too early in any case,” Peter nodded towards Victor Roberts, one of the seventh-year Prefects for Gryffindor. He’d just strolled in. “Not until that prat goes to bed.”

“We can just jinx him when the time comes,” Sirius said dismissively.

“No,” Remus said. “We can’t just jinx everyone who’s annoying, Padfoot, it looks bad.”

Sirius only shrugged. 

But it seemed that pushing Victor Roberts wasn’t anything the four of them need concern themselves with. At long last, Lily came back into the Common Room, her school bag slung over her shoulder, and a cake hovering in midair beside her. With a flick of her wand, she set the cake down in front of Marlene, and scanned the Common Room, eyes landing on Victor, her demeanor changing with every step, putting on a bossy persona. From where they were sat, the boys couldn’t hear what she said to him, but Victor looked at his watch, yelped, and ran out of the Common Room.

Once again, she scanned the Common Room, eyes settling on the Marauders, and joined them at their table. James was immensely glad they’d put away all work on the map ages ago. 

“You lot joining us for cake?” she asked. 

“Yeah,” said James, perhaps a bit too eagerly. Peter sniggered. “Yeah let me just pop up and get the firewhiskey.”

The evening was spent in relative ease. Turns out Lily and Kingsney had switched Victor’s patrol duties and neglected to tell him, all to get him out of the Common Room and keep him out late, making up for the time he’d lost. Marlene was all too happy with this, saying with each swig of firewhiskey that she had the best friends imaginable. The cake was delicious, so much so that even Sirius said he was wrong to doubt Lily’s baking reputation. 

They all had their own bottle of firewhiskey, laughing, drinking, eating, and working casually on homework. It was nice, hanging out with his fellow sixth years, James thought. Even Mary, who he was still irritated with, and even though she was remarkably subdued. The Mary that had come back from the Summer holiday was so unlike the one sitting across from him, that James frequently found himself sneaking glances at her, as though to make sure she actually _ was _ Mary, and not some cheap imitation. He wasn’t the only one. 

Lily was doing it too. Maybe it was just because James knew a secret about her that, for the time being, none of her friends knew, but James could see now how hard she was trying to hold onto some sense of normalcy. But then, he thought as he glanced at Sirius and Remus, maybe he saw it mostly because he was in a similar situation. 

It wasn’t until Remus, looking shattered, excused himself to bed, that the illusion of friendship vanished. Lily, Marlene, Mary, and Ayisha...they couldn’t really be his friends. Because they couldn’t know Remus’s secret. They couldn’t be friends with him the way Peter and Sirius and Remus were, no matter how much it felt like it. So James yawned rather obnoxiously, and he, Sirius, and Peter followed Remus up to bed, wishing Marlene a final goodnight. The Marauders would be needing an excellent night’s sleep in preparation for the following night after all.

* * *

Hidden in the brambles of the Forbidden Forest, Prongs, Padfoot, and Wormtail waited. Ears were perked and ready, eyes never wavering...Until at last, a boy was escorted down the passageway under the Whomping Willow and out of sight. Overhead, the full moon shone like a spotlight. 

Once Madam Pomfrey was back inside the castle, Wormtail hopped off Prong’s antlers and scurried out towards the violent tree, pressing the knot that froze it. Padfoot lept into action, diving into the passageway and out of sight. Prongs and Wormtail waited. And waited. Until at last the great black dog emerged again, dragging the grey-brown werewolf with him. 

Prongs sprang forward, his antlers catching Moony and pushing him back into the forest and off the grounds. Wormtail found his place on Padfoot’s back, clutching the shaggy hair for dear life. 

They had anticipated a struggle. Moony had suffered two full moons alone over the summer. Two was a long time for a wolf, especially when it had been only recently that he’d had friends to keep him in line every month. The first couple of full moons after Prongs, Padfoot, and Wormtail had come into being were rough, until, mercifully, there was a breakthrough. 

But tonight was just as expected, Moony was volatile, as if to say: “_ Where have you been? _” Or maybe he’d just forgotten his odd company. It was hard to say, but whatever it was, Moony was angry. He swiped, claws catching Prongs’s shoulder. 

It stung, first, and it stung enough for Prongs to make note of just how much work would go into tending the wound that would be left behind after he transformed back. Maybe it would scar, maybe not. But Padfoot was quick to jump to Prongs’s aid, dragging Moony back into the forest.

They spent most of the night running almost wild in the forest. It was all Prongs and Padfoot could do to keep Moony from the Unicorns. The Centaurs, blissfully, knew well enough to keep away, but other creatures were a different story. Only two moon cycles without Moony, and they seemed to have forgotten he normally ran within the boundaries of the forest. 

Wormtail darted between Padfoot and Prongs, transferring messages about bests nearby though a strategic series of squeaks and bites. And soon, as the dawn was approaching, Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs found a rhythm. A shakey, tenuous one, but a rhythm nonetheless.

An hour before the dawn, the ragtag gang began circling back towards the Whomping Willow. Though, upon realising just where he was being taken, Moony seemed to resist. Why should he have to squeeze himself back through the tunnel and into that shack when there were perfectly wide open grounds before him? Wormtail had to press the knot much longer than normal, while Padfoot pulled, and Prongs pushed Moony down the tunnel. The process was so awkward and took so long that by the time they got Moony back inside the Shrieking Shack, dawn was approaching rapidly, and Moony was transitioning back into Remus. 

Madam Pomfrey would be making her way back to the tunnel to escort Remus to the hospital wing. Prongs and Padfoot had no hope of making it out of the tunnel before she came out. They’d run too late tonight. None of them has accounted for time in their initial plans. 

When it was safe to, Prong and Padfoot returned to their human forms. James dropped to his knees beside Remus, who was panting, assessing any injuries. 

“Nice to see you, Moony,” he grinned. “Have a good night?”

“Ha ha,” Remus said dryly. He had several scratches on his arms and chest. “I should be asking you that.”

“Wha--oh!” James winced, finally feeling the wound on his shoulder that Moony had left. “I’ll be fine.”

“You guys should leave,” Remus said warily.

“Can’t,” Sirius was trying to peer out the boarded up windows to see how much light was out. “We’ll have to hide until sweet Poppy comes to get you and sneak back inside later.”

“We were out too long,” Remus pressed a fist to his forehead. “We should’ve planned better.”

“It’s fine, Remus,” James said. “No harm done. Padfoot and I will just go upstairs and wait for you to go. Nobody will be any the wiser.” 

Remus only looked moderately reassured by this, but he had no choice but to put their tardiness out of his mind. Sirius and James retreated up the creaky staircase (James wondering briefly if Peter had been smart enough to get off the knot and go inside) and listened for the matron to come in. 

Their timing had been near perfect, because not five minutes later, Poppy Pomfrey was coming inside in her forced cheerful voice. She was always worried about the state Remus was in after a full moon, but tried desperately not to show it. James could hear her assessing his initial injuries before bidding him to put back on his shirt and cloak. Remus would spend the rest of the day in the hospital wing being monitored and cared for. No doubt there would be a rather large breakfast waiting for him too. 

They gave it five minutes, and then James and Sirius made their own way back through the tunnel. 

“What’re we going to do about the tree?” James asked.

“I’ll hold it down as Padfoot and then make a break for it once you’re out of range. Unless you want to be brave and take your chances?” Sirius had a wolfish grin on his face. He, out of the most of them, always seemed to come off the full moon more alive.

“Not with this shoulder,” James muttered. It hurt more than he’d let on to Remus, but he could patch it up in their dormitory once they got back. 

“I’m pretty sure I almost lost my nipple,” Sirius said.

“Male dogs don’t even have nipples, Padfoot.”

“Still, where I got bit would’ve been where my actual left nipple was if I’d been human.”

“Well thank Merlin it’s still there, then. Whatever would the birds of Hogwarts do if Sirius Black only had one nipple?”

Sirius gave his usual, barklike laugh. 

When they’d crawled out of the tunnel, a flash of grey caught their eye, and Wormtail returned to the knot, freezing the tree. For once, James was glad Peter hadn’t stuck to protocall. It was much easier dealing with the Whomping Willow with him around. Sirius could manage, but he was a much bigger target for the tree when it came time for him to make a break for it. Wormtail could get away unscathed and unseen.

Once Wormtail was out of range, James pulled put the invisibility cloak from his pocket. Wormtail scampered up his leg and onto his shoulder, and James and Sirius vanished underneath. It took time to get back to Gryffindor Tower, but by the time they made it back, James was really feeling the fatigue of the last few hours. His shoulder ached, and all he wanted to do was go back to bed and sleep the whole day. But he had to take notes for Remus so that he wouldn’t be behind when he returned to classes tomorrow. 

“Shirt off,” Sirius ordered once the three of them were safely back in their dorm. 

“I never knew you liked me like that, Padfoot,” James said dryly, trying, and wincing, as he removed his shirt. 

“Don’t flatter yourself, Prongs, I’m the black sheep the the family, remember?” Sirius started examining the wound on James’s shoulder.

“Meaning?” came Peter’s voice from the bathroom. 

“Meaning I’m not into incest,” Sirius said. James snorted, and Sirius hit him over the head. “Be still, you idiot.” 

James rolled his eyes but obeyed, trying to get a glimpse of his wound out of the corner of his eye. Peter came out of the bathroom wearing a fresh change of clothes. 

“Not too deep,” Sirius assessed. “Hopefully we can just clean it and wrap it and you’ll be fine.”

Peter returned to the bathroom and came back out again clutching dressings and a small vial. The vial contained a potion meant for cleaning, James eyed it warily. 

“You sure that’s been brewed correctly? He asked. 

“You made it,” Peter squeaked. “You don’t know?”

James shrugged. A mistake, as searing pain shot down his arm. “I thought it was right, I was hoping you could confirm.”

“I can’t believe we have a couple of moronic prats running the potions aspect of this operation,” Sirius said, clearly annoyed. “Suck it up, Prongs, this is going on you regardless.”

“Right, and if I lose my arm in the process?”

“Then you’ll learn not to slack on potions.” 

James braced himself for the potion. And as Sirius dabbed it on the cut, James hissed in pain, clenching his fists. It was unnerving, sometimes, just how connected James was to Prongs. Just how connected they all were to their animagus forms, even when not in them. The fact that James, Sirius, and (on the rare occasion) Peter, had to treat wounds gained in their animal form was an extreme inconvenience. And the fact that they could feel them until they were healed was just another added annoyance. What James, Sirius, and Peter were doing every month, was healing their animal counterparts so they were good to run again each month. Problem was, should the wound fester, there would be consequences reaching their human bodies. It was all very elaborate, and it took several hours of research in the library after their first full moon with Moony to discover that fact. 

Sirius was finishing wrapping the wound, and James felt like his shoulder was about a stone heavier than normal. The inflammation was brutal.

“This better be healed by Quidditch tryouts,” he muttered, looking around for a fresh set of clothes. 

“Cheers, mate,” Sirius grinned. 

* * *

The fact that there were only three sixth year girls sorted into Gryffindor might’ve made one assume that getting ready in the morning was a breeze, especially compared to the seven seventh year girls who all shared one dorm. But there were some mornings when Lily wanted to kill someone, because of how outrageous everyone could be about bathroom time. 

Marlene had spent most of last night taking out her braids, and had decided at four in the morning that she needed to begin cutting her hair. Mary (despite bathing last night) had decided for some ungodly reason that she needed more bathroom time this morning. Something that would’ve been fine, except that Mary wanted Marlene out entirely. Lily didn’t understand it, she’d had no problem showering while Marlene debated the pros and cons of a fro in front of the mirror, and it wasn’t like Mary needed to use the loo. She wasn’t saying what she needed. Instead she was being secretive and rude. Marlene, for her part, was taking it in stride, singing along more loudly to the W.W.N. each time Mary pounded on the door. 

Lily found herself getting more irritated as she tried to make her hair fall exactly the way she liked it, Mary’s...whatever it was, was contagious. Her moods, which had always been capricious, were veering on volatile as of late. Sure, Mary had explained why she’d been so off, but there was still the matter of Lily not fully buying her story.

Mary’s parents had been divorced since third year, the adjustment of that was no longer new. No, there was something much deeper going on. Problem was, Lily was torn between find out, and telling Mary off. Even after her apology, she’d continued to be a headache. Lily had never seen her friend like this. 

“Marlene, get out! You’re hogging the bathroom!”

“What do you even _ need _, Mary?” Lily turned away from her mirror, giving Mary and exasperated look, while Marlene continued to ignore the noise outside.

“My hairbrush!”

Lily resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “Is that all? You can use mine,” she threw her brush at Mary, now not bothering to hide her annoyance. “If you’re going to throw a fit, make sure it’s over something important next time.”

Mary glared in response. 

“You’re being ridiculous,” Lily went on. “And you’re giving both of us a headache.”

Mary seemed to be debating whether or not to retort, but after a moment, her shoulders slumped. She thanked Lily for the brush (but didn’t apologise) and began brushing out her blonde locks, which totally didn’t even need touching up. 

Lily finished battling her own hair and was packing her school bag by the time Marlene came out of the bathroom. Her hair was several feet (yes, feet) shorter, her natural curls coiled tight against her scalp. The effect was dramatic. Marlene’s cheekbones stood out more, her warm, brown eyes seemed to pop, demanding to be noticed. And the grin on Marlene’s face was infectious. 

“Wow,” Lily said. “I’ve never seen you look more..._ you _.”

“You really like it?” Marlene tugged on her earlobe, suddenly self conscious. 

“You look amazing,” Lily reassured her.

“It’s weird,” Marlene began dressing into her uniform. “I had so much hair before and now I feel naked. But in a good way.”

“Well, you look great!”

Mary was silent through this whole exchange, but nodded in agreement. Marlene didn’t look annoyed, but rather exasperated. She was not quite one for letting all her emotions out, not on the same level Lily was. And Marlene, more than anything else, wanted to find a way to keep the peace in her tiny group of friends. 

The three of them, finally ready, made their way down to breakfast together, Marlene forcefully making conversation as a way to try and diffuse the tension. She too was worried about Mary, the mood swings were a massive red flag, but she’d no idea how to help. Her parents had never split up. Divorce really wasn’t that common in the magical world. The family name was more important, so sticking together was paramount. 

Just outside the Great Hall, a group of students called Lily over. Marlene could tell she was relieved to take a step away from Mary. She smiled, said: “Be back in a bit!” and went to join the group calling her over. Mary looked deeply annoyed. 

“What’s up?” Marlene asked.

“She’s too bloody popular.”

Marlene rolled her eyes. “So? She’s always been popular, no use getting upset about it now.”

“Doesn’t it annoy you though?” Mary pressed as they took their seats at the Gryffindor table. “She could be doing things with us, but pretty much everywhere we go, someone else demands her attention.”

“Sure it sometimes annoys me,” Marlene started heaping eggs onto her plate. “But that’s not her fault. She’s a prefect too, so she can’t just ignore people outside of us. And she’s always making time for us besides.” 

Mary seemed to have nothing to say to this, but her silence was sullen, and Marlene’s patience was near the end of its rope.

“Are you jealous of her or something?”

This got a reaction out of Mary.

“Why would you think that?” she nearly shouted the words. A little ways down the table, Sirius Black glared. 

“Keep ya damned voice down, MacDonald,” he snarled. 

“Or better yet, don’t talk at all,” James said, not looking up from whatever homework he was finishing last minute. 

For once, Marlene agreed with them. She nudged Mary on the shoulder, lowering her voice to almost a whisper. 

“Seriously, Mary, what’s this about? You’ve never been like this about Lily, not even when she was still hanging around Snape. Jealousy is _ my _ thing.”

Mary looked over her shoulder, as though checking for evesdroppers. Marlene leaned in closer instinctively. Perhaps, after a week of mood swing whiplash, Mary was going to finally be honest about everything that was bothering her. 

“It’s just...D’you think, she and Caradoc...d’you think they ever had sex?”

“Mary!” it was Marlene’s turn to shout. 

Of course, she’d wondered the same thing, not even just about Caradoc. Lily had a string of bad boyfriends before him (the only one Marlene had ever remotely tolerated), and some of them...well they talked. But Lily had made it perfectly clear that her sex life was a off topics for discussion. All she said was that it didn’t really matter if the rumours were true or not. And so the topic was never again brought up, not even behind her back. Bit frustrating when potentially the only friend you had who had experience with sex wasn’t willing to share details, but Marlene figured Muggle families were just that way about the whole thing. 

“Sharing secrets without me?” Marlene felt guilty as she looked at Lily, a playful smile on her face as she took her seat. 

“It’s nothing that interesting Li--” Marlene began, but Mary cut across her. 

“Did you and Caradoc ever fuck?”

The silence around them was one of the loudest of Marlene’s life. She could’ve hit Mary if she wasn’t apprehensively watching Lily. The thing about Lily Evans though, was that most of the time, she had no problem letting you see and hear what she was thinking. But occasionally, she did this thing where no matter how hard you looked, you couldn’t tell what she was thinking. It was scary. Her face was a complete blank slate. The last time Marlene had seen that expression was right after Severus Snape had called her ‘Mudblood’. The silence stretched. Lily considering Mary with careful coolness, and Mary staring defiantly back. Finally, Lily drummed her fingers on the table, tossing her hair over her shoulder with comfortable ease. 

“Are you looking to sample _ all _ of my leftovers now, Mary, or d’you just want tips?”

Down the table, Sirius snorted so dramatically, that he sprayed flecks of coffee everywhere. James, who was still doing homework, let out an, “Oi!” of indignation, trying to brush coffee droplets off his homework. Mary’s face had gone red. 

“No,” she spat. “But from talking to him, it doesn’t sound like you ever did put out, not for _ him _ anyway.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Lily’s fists had clenched, and Marlene wanted to sink into the floor.

“It means he seems to think you were giving it to someone else.”

“Oh yeah?” Lily knew Mary was lying. Whatever her problems with Caradoc when they were going out, that level of mistrust had never been one of them. “Who am I supposed to have been shagging then?”

There was a triumphant gleam in Mary’s eyes, and Marlene wished she’d been quick enough to silence her friend before the next two words were uttered. 

“Severus Snape.” 

Lily’s face had gone blank again, but some of the color in it was lost. Her hands were shaking with rage. There had been the occasional rumour that she and Severus had been an item. But never, not once in the history of their friendship, had Lily ever felt any romantic inclinations towards him. And it had _ always _ made her feel uncomfortable whenever the rumour was voiced. If anything, Severus had been more of a brother figure. Or a cousin. The idea of being with him felt wrong. And now she wanted nothing to do with him. But perhaps she was always going to have that stain following her. It hurt, it hurt more than she could say, to have one of her best friends throwing that in her face. 

She got back up, any appetite she had suddenly vanished. 

“Lily--” Marlene started in a small voice. But Lily cut her off with a look that could cut. 

“I don’t know what happened to you, Mary,” she said, her voice carefully cool. “But whatever the fuck you’re going through doesn’t make it okay to treat your friends like you have been since term started. We’ve all got our own bloody problems. My own dad is _ dying _ every single day while I’m stuck in this goddamn school putting up with every punch you’re throwing. And I am sick and tired of you being such a horrid bitch. I dunno what I could have possibly done to deserve your mistreatment, but I don’t really care. Don’t bother talking to me unless it’s to apologise.” 

And without another beat, Lily turned on her heel and stalked out of the hall. Marlene felt like she’d been slapped, though none of those words were directed at her. Mary, for her part, had the decency to look ashamed, her hands twisting in her lap. For a moment she looked like the shy, quiet Mary that Marlene had known for years. But Marlene was too angry to feel any sympathy. 

Lily’s dad was dying? Marlene had known he was ill, but Lily had downplayed it in her few letters over the summer. And she’d been silent about it since coming back. Marlene felt horrible. She should’ve known something was wrong. 

Mary opened her mouth to speak, but Marlene shook her head. 

“I don’t want to hear it right now, Mary. Lily’s right, you have got to stop treating the rest of us like shite. We can’t help you if you don’t talk to us, and frankly, why would we want to when you’ve been so bloody awful?”

Marlene shouldered her bag and stood up to go after Lily. It wasn’t hard to find her. She was sitting in the grass outside Greenhouse 3, _ Advanced Potion Making _ open in her lap. From what Marlene could tell, Lily hadn’t been crying, which she supposed was a good thing. Or not. Maybe an explosion was building just under the surface. 

“Hey,” Marlene sat down next to her and nudged Lily’s shoulder with her own. “I’m sorry Mary’s been such a cow lately.”

“‘S’not your fault,” Lily muttered. 

“I know, but I’m still sorry,” a pause, and then: “So...your dad? He’s really sick?”

Lily sighed and closed the book. No point trying to deny it any more, much as she wished she still could. She nodded. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Lily shrugged. “I dunno. It’s just...it didn’t feel like anything I could put in writing, y’know?”

Marlene nodded, though she didn’t know. Not really. 

“And so I just didn’t write you over the summer. And it was so bad at home, mum and Petunia have both been so angry. I think because dad knew he was sick but never went to a doctor until it was too late. And everyone in town...We couldn’t go anywhere without getting pity from everyone. I didn’t want more of that here. I just needed to feel normal.” 

Marlene put an arm around her. It took a moment before Lily leaned in to the touch, her head resting on Marlene’s shoulder. 

“You do this thing, Lily, where you think you have to suffer in silence. You did it every time you and Severus would fight, or whenever your sister writes you. And I dunno why you do it, but you don’t have to. I’m your friend, I _ want _ to be there for you, if you’ll let me.”

Lily was silent for so long, that Marlene thought her friend was just going to ignore her. And it broke her heart. She didn’t understand what could’ve possibly made her best friend in the world so closed off. What made people think they had to carry everyone else when they might be drowning too? But eventually she did speak, and her answer wasn’t what Marlene hoped it would be. 

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to...I dunno, make you think I don’t trust you. It’s just hard, keeping secrets has been a part of me. Nobody in town knows I’m a witch, I have to lie about where I go to school. I can’t tell my parents about this bloody war going on, I can’t even mention magic without upsetting my sister. I just…” she trailed off, running a hand through her hair. “I just want to be able to pretend some of this isn’t happening. Sometimes I feel like I’m going mad and I need that break. I’ll talk to you, I will...but when I feel like I can handle it. Is that okay?”

It was, but Marlene wished with all her might that it wasn’t what the answer was. She knew Lily would keep things bottled up. She didn’t lash out like Mary had been, but that didn’t make Lily’s coping strategies any less harmful. Merlin, when did everything get so complicated? 

“It’s more than okay, Lily. You’re my best friend, and I’ll do anything I can to help you. I love you.”

There were few people in the world Marlene McKinnion loved more than Lily Evans. And she was certain that wouldn’t change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the long wait between chapters! I had my baby a few weeks ago so I've been recovering and adjusting to that new parenthood life. Mom, dad, and baby are all well! When I had a spare moment, I mostly wanted to sleep or catch up on other tasks that took priority.  
On top of that, this chapter was a bit more difficult to write. The full moon section gave me the most trouble, and I struggled with how to write it, and just how much time I should spend on it. 
> 
> Chapter title comes from the song Wolves by (yes) One Direction.
> 
> Don't forget to leave a comment!
> 
> xxxKels

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! This is my first fic in a very long time, and I’m returning to my first love, Jily. This particular idea has been something I haven’t been able to get out of my head for over a year now, so I figured it was finally time to start writing it all down! Thanks for reading this first chapter!  
Xxx Kels


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